As With Many Biblical Commands, in “Honor your father and mother” God paints a wide, thick brush over the nuances and situations of daily living. One could name different circumstances in which it is difficult to honor our father and mother. How do we honor our father and mother when they are selfish? How do we honor them when they do not watch out for our best interests? How do we honor our father and mother when they do not promote a life in the truth?
Principles in situations
What God gives us is a principle. In an excellent Bible class and the inspiration for this article, Brother Joshua Tunnell described life in these terms: He held out one hand and said, “There are situations.” He held out the other and said, “And there are principles. Which are you going to live by?” I’ll never forget his point. If we make individual choices about how to behave in every situation we come across, the flesh will inevitably win over us. However, if we take situations and apply principles we can overcome.
Let me supply a simple example. Let’s say your father asks you to bring in the trash barrels from outside. He asks when you are in nice clothes and tired and it wasn’t your job anyway to bring in barrels. In that situation you may be inclined to whine about it, complain that it’s not your job, or something similar. That’s the situation. The principle is to honor your father and mother. If you act on the situation, you come up with reasons not to obey. If you act on the principle, and apply that to the situation, you will obey. So Josh’s point was to demonstrate the difference.
When parents do not honor God
But of course, things can be far more complicated than that. Perhaps the most difficult situation is honoring parents who don’t honor God or promote a godly life. While this does not cover every circumstance, discussing this issue can help us in others. Thankfully, God has provided us an excellent example in the life of Jonathan.
Although Saul, Jonathan’s father, was a believer in God, he promoted a life that was contrary to the will of God. Here’s a small list of Saul’s offenses from Jonathan’s perspective:
- Attempting to murder Jonathan’s best friend.
- Moving to execute Jonathan for eating some honey after Jonathan saved Israel from the Philistines.
- Throwing a spear at Jonathan’s head for protecting his friend.
- Seeking spiritual guidance from outside the ecclesia.
- Cursing Jonathan’s mother.
- Neglecting his job and responsibilities.
We may think that we have a bad situation, but I don’t think any of us face our parents trying to murder our best friend, nor have our parents attempted to murder us as Saul would have Jonathan more than once.
Jonathan followed the principles
How did Jonathan honor his father? Jonathan was the king’s son and therefore a representative of the throne. When David fled from the face of Saul, don’t you think Jonathan wanted to go with him? Yet if Jonathan had left to follow David it would have crippled the authority of the king and dishonored his father in front of all the people. Jonathan never left his father’s side or stopped eating at this father’s table. Jonathan could have led a revolt against Saul while he was away chasing David, doing so for the sake of his friend and knowing God’s will was to have David on the throne. Instead, Jonathan gave warning to David allowing him to escape, and he likely managed the affairs of the nation in his father’s stead, while Saul was tracking David, rather than leading a revolution.
There is only one recorded instance where Jonathan showed anger to his father. After Saul makes clear his intentions to destroy David, Jonathan pleads David’s innocence, asking what David has done. We read in I Samuel 20:3234 NIV:
`Why should he be put to death? What has he done? ‘ Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at [Jonathan] to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David. Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David.
Jonathan was upset at his father’s behavior against not only himself but also for Saul’s intentions against David. One can imagine that as he fasted, Jonathan would have prayed for his father and prayed for guidance in how to handle his father’s rebellion against God.
Honor to the end
Jonathan’s support of his father never diminished despite undoubtedly having serious questions about his father’s behavior, actions and conduct of his military campaigns. At the end of First Samuel, we have our last mention of Jonathan:
Now the Philistines fought against Israel; the Israelites fled before them, and many fell slain on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines pressed hard after Saul and his sons, and they killed his son Jonathan (I Sam. 31:1-2 NIV)
Jonathan followed his father into battle despite Saul’s attempt to destroy him just years earlier and his consistently evil intentions related to his friend, David. And Jonathan died alongside his father on Mount Gilboa attempting to defend Saul’s throne and the nation of Israel. What greater example do we have of honor against all natural reason? Jonathan had situation after situation and excuse after excuse to abandon Saul. Instead Jonathan honored his father with his presence at the battle and was ultimately buried with him, choosing spiritual principles over natural impulse.
The lessons for us
From the story of Jonathan we can extract lessons to apply in our lives. The chief lesson is simply that we must not let situations rise above our principles. For some of us it may be very difficult to honor our father and mother. It may take strength and character to both stand up for what’s right, yet not abandon and bring to shame our parents. But we must apply the wisdom of God to even the most difficult circumstances. The wisdom of God is to honor our parents. Generally, the wisdom and practice of the youth in our world is to discount parents, to forsake their counsel, and to abandon them in their advancing years as a burden not to be borne. Let us take God at His word and continue to honor, maybe even winning our parents to Christ through our example.
There is another lesson to apply here, as well. In the most difficult circumstances, our parents may be preventing us from honoring God. Jonathan knew it was God’s will that David sit on the throne of Israel. He also knew his father sought to kill David. Jonathan would not turn over David just to please his father but rather he was the means of David’s deliverance by giving a warning thereby incurring his father’s wrath. If our parents prompt us to sin or encourage us against God, we must refuse. In all things, God should have preeminence and priority in our hearts, minds, and souls. We should seek to love and honor God above all things including governments, friends, employers, and even our parents.
Jesus says in a very strongly worded passage:
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law-
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.
Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me (Matt. 10:34-38 NIV).
In this chapter Jesus warns his disciples against the difficulty of discipleship. They would be rejected, scorned, flogged, persecuted, and even killed. The word of God convicts us to put it above all other things. For many in the first century, and some in our day, this means going against family and traditions. This is a hard but righteous choice to make. We are so thankful to our Lord that generally we don’t face these circumstances, but we know that in such circumstance our loyalty should be with God.
So Jonathan opposed his father in the case of David, yet set an example of honor almost unmatched in scripture. We must apply the principle of honoring father and mother to all situations and circumstances that don’t bring us into conflict with our service to our Heavenly Father. With the outstanding example of Jonathan in mind, we are encouraged to make the right decisions.
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