Thus Far In These Articles I have directed my comments to youths. Being a youth myself, I felt that it was most appropriate that my remarks be to my peers. For this article, however, I am directing my comments to parents. Understanding that I may have a credibility problem, as I am not a parent myself, I have asked my Dad for his input and perspective.
The premise is simple. We all understand that husbands are to their wives as Christ is to the ecclesia. In keeping with Paul’s symbolism, fathers should try to mimic God when He acts as a Heavenly Father toward His people, emulating Him in the raising of children. This is a tall order indeed and no one expects perfection. Even given a perfect Father, the children of God often rebelled against Him. What is necessary is that we understand the role of parents from a divine perspective, so that in our parenting we serve God with knowledge and with reverential fear.
Godly discipline
Paul gives a direct commandment to parents in Ephesians 6:2 when he says,
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (NASB).
Paul had just commanded that children honor their father and mother. This commandment properly comes first because, regardless of how parents behave, they should be treated with honor. But Paul, recognizing the interrelationships in the family unit, states that parents also have a role, which is to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Each parent should consider seriously if he/she is following this command.
I believe it is crucial in understanding and applying this verse that we get a clear definition of what is meant by the “discipline of the Lord.” Looking into the meaning of this one word, “discipline,” will both shed light on how parents can fulfill this command and demonstrate clearly their comparative role as parents with the role the Heavenly Father has in our lives.
Discipline is from the Greek word paideia (pahee-di ‘-ah), meaning tutelage, i.e. education or training and by implication, disciplinary correction. In the KJV it is variously translated chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture. We should gain an appreciation of how this one word brings together two concepts. The first is education and the second is disciplinary correction.
Parents are responsible for educating their children in the ways of God
I wish it were possible in print to stress how important I believe this concept is. To educate our children in the way of God is not the job of a Sunday school teacher or a CYC counselor; it is the duty of parents. The education received in the home, however, must be reinforced. It’s not enough to teach the words of God, you must show that these words mean something by showing how they are applied in our own lives. Reinforcement takes mere knowledge of God and transforms it into a way of life.
I’m not very far removed from my days as an adolescent (some would say “not removed at all”). I remember what it’s like. We push boundaries, we see how far we can go, and we test limits. The fact is that parents need to lay down structure and draw lines of acceptable behavior. Within a supportive and loving structure, children can grow. Without that structure, children will grab on to something for support and it could be the wrong thing.
The worst thing a parent can ever say to his child is that he doesn’t care. “Hey, Dad, can I go to the movies?” “I don’t care.” “Hey, Mom can I sleep over at Ryan’s?” “I don’t care.” What does that sound like to a child? Children will take statements like that at face value. When did one of God’s children ever ask His guidance or ask for His help and was answered, “I don’t care?” Never! Children need to know that they are loved and supported within an understandable structure. We get that structure from putting the principles found in scripture into practice.
Godly training
There are two other biblical contexts where the specific word for discipline, “paideia,” found in Ephesians 6:2 is used. Understanding how this word is used can fill in the gaps to help parents understand their God-given roles. One of these contexts, II Timothy 3:16,17, refers to the Bible specifically as being a means for paideia.
All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work (RSV).
Paul assigns parents the role of disciplining their children. This involves both education and disciplinary correction. It should come as no surprise to us that the same word is applied directly to the Bible. The Bible is how God both educates and corrects us — His children. In the words of Paul in II Timothy, it is how God trains us in righteousness. Moreover, the Bible is what God uses to provide a structure for behavior. This is why Moses was almost immediately led up the mount to receive the law after the Exodus from Egypt.
If parents discipline correctly, they will use the Holy Scripture to train their children. Likewise, if parents educate correctly, they will educate their children from the Bible. I cannot speak about how difficult it is to be a parent. I’m told that it is life’s biggest challenge. Isn’t it nice to know that we have an instruction book? If we can just make the Bible the basis for how we structure our family life, it will help us perform our function as parents. If we train, and indeed discipline, our children according to the words of scripture, we follow in the pattern set by our Heavenly Father. God disciplines us, His children, in the same way we are admonished to discipline our children.
Godly character development
The other passage where the specific word for paideia is used is found in Hebrews 12. This passage is a direct discussion of God’s disciplinary correction of His children. In it, the author draws vivid connections between earthly parenting and heavenly parenting.
And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb. 12:5-11).
Read this passage several times. Do we see, brothers and sisters, that God considers us as sons and daughters? He loves us dearly. It is because He loves us so much that we are disciplined by Him, for our own good. In the times and culture that the author of the Hebrews wrote, a father who did not take responsibility for and did not discipline his son, declared that son to be illegitimate. We would never look at our children as illegitimate, so let us not treat our children in such a way either.
No guarantees
I understand that good parenting is no guarantee of a child’s acceptance of the truth. I have known very good parents who have raised one child who loves and accepts the truth and another who rejects it. The fact is that parents are only the most important of a number of influences on a child. A child’s responsiveness will vary. Indeed, when God sent Israel a prophet, some would listen and accept and some would reject. It was, however, the responsibility of the prophet to preach regardless. This was the case with Ezekiel: “You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen” (Ezk. 2:7).
I urge you, take responsibility to speak the words of God to your children. Raise them to love God and respect and obey Him. Moreover, command the honor from your children just as God commands that we honor Him. By so doing, you set up a good model for children as they expand their understanding of God as their Heavenly Father.
Parents, you are indeed the representative of God for raising your children. You are tools used by Him to raise up children He regards as His own. Let us take to this responsibility with new vigor and with strong commitment to use the Bible as our guide. For indeed the Bible is the story of God and the discipline and training of His children.
And lastly, even as God reminded Jesus that He was well pleased with him, remind your children of the same. We, your children, look up to you, and we desire very much to be accepted and loved by you.
For further instruction on how the law to honor your father and mother applies to parents, I recommend that parents refer to Family Life in the Lord, which deals with the subject at great length.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One