These people may be rare; those who actually chose celibacy as their first choice must be rarer still. But the fact that they may be found at all is a complete answer to the easy assumption that marriage is essential to the fulfilled life. Those who achieve the unalloyed happiness in Christ that these sisters and brethren do, receive an hundred-fold now in this present time of houses, brethren and sisters, and children1, and lands, with a happiness which speaks well for the joy which awaits them in the life to come2. They are a standing proof that there is no need to be long-faced about celibacy, should this prove to be our lot in life.
Paul, of course, actually indicates how in some circumstances such a course might with advantage be chosen deliberately, not so much in default of a suitable partner, but as an actual preference deliberately made, that the Lord might be served without hindrance. Whether or not he had once lived a married life, Paul had certainly for some time lived an effectively bachelor existence, and had foregone the right which belonged to him to “lead about a sister, a wife, like Cephas and the rest of the apostles,” so that he could certainly speak with first-hand knowledge of the different kind of joy which the Lord has reserved for those in this position3.
And no picture of the fulfillment possible in the unmarried state would be complete without reminding ourselves of Him who had neither wife nor children, nor yet anywhere He would call His own to lay His head; and yet who found great joy even then in the obedience to the faith of His little children, and who in the age to come shall see His seed, and behold of the travail of His soul and be satisfied at the many sons He has brought to glory4.
Resuming the study of our list of possibilities, and since the question of marrying out of the faith has already been treated, we have only the two remaining paths, both of which involve the potential partner being baptized before marriage.
Now the possibility is very real that, if one from outside is very anxious to marry one of our community, he might be persuaded to go through the motions of becoming a Christadelphian, without his heart having been moved towards us at all. Such things have happened, and will doubtless happen again, and it is impossible for our human judgments to give any absolute safeguard against them. Occasions when it has become all too evident that the Truth for its own sake was not desired, and never became desired, have given occasion to frown on the procedure as a whole, attaching a bad name to “coming into the Truth to marry her” which it doesn’t altogether deserve.
Indeed, great blessings to all concerned can arise from a proper attitude to the problem, and this is how the matter appears to the present writer:
First, if a man from without shows an interest in you, a sister, which you would not repulse were it not for the claims of the Truth, then a downright rejection of it may not be your best course. For if Peter can advise believing wives how to behave so as to make it possible to win their unbelieving husbands to the faith, may not the same be possible for believing women who are not yet wives?5. A total and uncompromising cold shoulder could be your rejection, not only of his friendship, but of the opportunity of saving a soul from death.
Second, at the other extreme do not fall over yourself to accept his interest on his terms, going where he goes without demur, letting a good heavy bushel shroud your Christadelphian light, and carrying on a pretense to be just as he might have you be. For from this it is terribly easy for the pretense to be a reality, and your Christadelphian habits to be neglected, shamed out of existence, and forgotten. To accept any man on these terms (the fear that he might not be interested on any other terms being constantly there as a specter to scare you) could easily lead you into saying, in effect: “I like this man. I don’t want to lose him. It matters more to me to keep him than it does to save him from his sins. I would rather have him now for a husband than offer him to my Lord as a brother in Christ.” You could never say these things in words, but it is all too easy to mean what these shocking words imply.
Then, third, from the start, and before the start, fly the banner of Christ. Let all around you know that you have been with Jesus, not necessarily by loud-voiced proclamation of the fact, but by living in a way which shows that it is true. Let your habits bespeak your convictions: Let Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Bible Classes, Bible readings, topics of conversation, all bear witness to the way your mind is working. Let the moderation of your dress, your adornment, and anything you think proper to use as make-up, indicate that you apprise the temporal things of life at their true value. And let your abstinence from the purely sensual enjoyments of every man’s life show the same.
This will close some doors, of course. It may hinder some who would have liked you for your face and figure, and might have liked you for your dancing, from ever making the first move. But this could be your own safeguard. But it may help some who are themselves growing jaded with the bright lights and the tinsel, who are wearying of the fleeting popularities of this noise or that, or of some hair style and the current trimmings, to deflect their attention from anatomies to characters, and from noises to the power of the still, small voice. There may in the company that meets you be someone already blessed with the divine discontent which seeks for stable things, or who, finding the grace, seasoned with salt, which makes up your life, can be taught to seek them.
If such a man, or a man who might prove to be such, seeks admission to your life, let him know — not heavy handedly and oppressively, repelling by the very dogmatism of your self-assurance, but gently, persuasively, and modestly—what the terms of admission are. You will be glad to talk to him, if you can talk without immodesty. You will be glad to go with him, if he will come with you as you do so, to the public meetings, to the Bible Class, to the Bible readings in your parents” home. “Come and see the things I like, and find whether you like them too. If you do, then friendship may be possible for us.”
And he may not come: in this case you will have tried for a high prize — his high prize, the prize of a high calling in Christ Jesus6—and lost (or not yet won). He may come and find it tedious, at first or for always. And there too there is disappointment and present failure. He may come, and taste and see that the Lord is good, and there may be happiness in the gospel for him, and happiness (and in our scale of values this must surely be thought a by-product of the richer blessing) in his home for you.
No guarantees exist. God does not promise that those who seek to be faithful will always find their hundredfold, now in this time, in the way which seems best to themselves. He does not promise that, when we open a door and beckon, the man we want as friend will enter in. But no principles will have been betrayed; a hope of life will have been offered to another in place of our own teetering on the brink of death: and some blessing will surely follow that. There is no man that hath forsaken wife (or expectation of having her), and there is no woman that hath forsaken husband (or bad terms for securing one), that shall not receive the hundredfold in God’s good way now. And as Solomon asked for the wisdom, and got the riches thrown in as make-weight7 , so you, if you ask for steadfastness and faithfulness, may get the temporal blessing too, and know the warmth of happiness which comes when you can say, without pride, that this man who makes you the chatelaine of his home, is the one whom you inducted into the Father’s house of many mansions8.
- 1 Corinthians 7:25-35. Matthew 19:12: This second passage in its context refers to a rather specialized reason for becoming a eunuch for the Kingdom of heaven’s sake, but it still extols the blessedness of a life which accepts deprivation of marriage, which is our present point.
- Matthew 19:29.
- 1 Corinthians 9:5. Here also, note, Paul takes it quite for granted that any wife he might have had would certainly have been a sister, that is, a believer.
- Matthew 8:20; Luke 9:58; John 13:33; Matthew 12:46-50. In His earthly pilgrimage the Lord had Father, mother, and brethren. His Bride awaits Him in the age to come.
- 1 Peter 3:1.
- Philippians 3:14.
- 1 Kings 3:5-13.
- John 14:1-3.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One