Jeremiah speaks of the nation as of a young bride following her bridegroom into the wilderness; and Ezekiel develops in all its tragedy the frustrated love-story of the childhood, nurture, betrothal, & wanton departure of the desired bride. Isaiah tells the nation that its Maker is its husband; and the tender loyalty of Hosea to his wayward spouse tells of the pains which the Almighty took with Israel to secure her for Himself, and to forgive her infidelities.1
The Lord Jesus Himself is presented to His saints in the same light. John the Baptist announced Him as the Bridegroom, and Jesus takes the name to Himself: “Can the children of the bride-chamber fast while the Bridegroom is with them ?” Even though the figures of Scripture are so rich that we cannot bind them within a single pattern (so that the saints are now the bride, now the bridesmaids, and now the Bridegroom’s friends), yet the Lord Himself is unchangeable the Bridegroom. Paul tells us that the relations existing between a believing man and his believing bride are to be thought of as providing a living picture of the love and obedience which are to be exchanged between the Lord and His church. His own converts to the faith have been “espoused as a chaste virgin to Christ,” and are bidden think of the scandal which would follow their turning aside, as though the members of Christ should be taken and made those of an harlot.2
Paul’s reasoning in Ephesians is much more searching than we might suppose. When he says, “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church,” the theme which he is developing is not that our marriages are the real thing, and the relation of Christ to His church conveniently described under that figure. It is rather that the eternal purpose of God, which was centered in Christ, envisaged His winning men and women to Himself as His bride; and that marriage will only be what it ought to be when it takes that as its pattern: when the man behaves to his bride as he knows Christ has behaved, and does behave, in relation to His church; and when the wife behaves to her husband as she knows the church is called upon to behave in relation to her Lord. “Husbands, love your wives” is properly to be modeled on “Christ loved the church,” and the converse relationship is also true.3
Once this is recognized, it puts our outlook on a higher level than anything else could have done. We are to conduct ourselves as we approach maturity (as the possibility of being husband or wife within sight, in our courtship, in marriage, and in parenthood, in the way which will most perfectly mirror the love of Christ for His ecclesia, and the devotion of the ecclesia to her Christ.
This sets before both parties an exalted ideal. The authority with which Scripture vests the believing man becomes a small reflection of that of Christ. And the distinguishing mark of that authority was that the Lord never made any selfish use of His position, but employed it always to serve His Father above, and His friends below. “Christ pleased not Himself” is the answer to any egoism or tyranny which the man might be tempted to employ in the exercise of his powers. It ought also to be the answer to any resentment that subordination might provoke in the mind of the woman. Quite apart from the fact that our different bodily natures fit us for quite different functions, and impose such limitations on the practical freedom of the wife and mother, that she can only exercise her “equality” by self-assertion or by the courtesy of others, there is no ignoring the fact that God’s arrangements do not look upon equality as quite the all-important thing that a democratic age has made of it. Equality is not the same thing as happiness, and the pursuit of it is not consistent with godliness.4
Equality with God was the lure which proved the undoing of our first parents. Equality with the Father was a thing which the Lord Jesus plainly refused to grasp at. Paul has no hesitation in writing, what some of us feel considerable hesitation in reading (at any rate aloud) that “the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” It is almost as though he is seeking under the Spirit’s guidance to reconcile us to any subordination asked of us, by having us recognize that Christ Himself is the same in relation to God. The demand for Equality bedevils our relationships with one another, and with our God.5
It may be deemed frivolous, but think what confusion would have arisen in the heavenly places had the angels shared our ideals of equality. Even assuming that they could have reconciled themselves to the overloading of God Himself, think what resentment would have arisen in their ranks when they heard, “When He bringeth His first begotten into the world, He saith, ‘And let all the angels of God worship Him.’ ” .Their long tradition of direct responsibility to the Creator was to be broken, and the Chief’s Son was to become their superior! Worse than this, these mighty servants of God are “ministering spirits, sent forth to minister to them that shall be the heirs of salvation,” and seem to find no indignity in their service; and there is no pain in their hearts because it is not unto them that “He hath put in subjection the world to come.” In fact, whenever subordination comes into the picture, we do well to remember the words of the Lord; “He that would be greatest among you, let him be your minister.”6
And this serves, too, to rid us of the idea that, if one accepts the leadership of another, all personal initiative and enterprise disappears. It would be difficult to imagine a better example of controlled but determined initiative than that provided by the Virtuous Woman of the Book of Proverbs.7
One of the most important things which this comparison of the love of the Lord for His ecclesia, and the devotion of the ecclesia to the Lord, to the human married estate, does for the married pair, is to remove their relationship out of the realm of mere mutual gratification. Countless marriages have foundered because one of the parties, or both of them, have supposed that bodily contact with the other will provide an ecstatic gratification which will be all-satisfying and never-failing. What is so saddening about many a popular discussion of married love, is not so much the fact that one partner or the other admits that intercourse has fallen short of expectations, but the fact that this seems to be regard as the crowning frustration of an unsuccessful marriage.
Without for a moment depreciating the pleasure lawfully enjoyed by those lawfully married, we should loose an opportunity of service to all concerned if we did not point out that there are pleasures, joys of service, opportunities of hospitality, as well as countless co-operative enterprises, in the married estate. And these increasingly loom important even in a physically satisfactory marriage as time wears on, and can do much to ensure happiness and blessing, even when the physical satisfactions fail to come to expectation.
Marriage depending only on the expectation of physical pleasures is sure to disappoint sooner or later. But marriage which combines the desire to serve God together, with any physical blessings which it may please God to bestow on it, is sweeter from the start than the other kind, and has in it the seeds of permanence which the other is denied.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One