The Marriage
The world around us generally prefers a church wedding to one under civil auspices (in Britain in a Register Office, in some other countries before a judge or magistrate) No doubt there are some couples who genuinely desire, according to their lights, to commence their married life in an atmosphere of Worship But there are many, many more for whom the church is little more than a more socially acceptable Register Office, visited only for the christening that follows being born, for marriage, and for the burial which succeeds death
There is an artificiality, an insincerity, about much of this which has tended to repel many who feel that their worship is a matter for life, for every year and every week, and, indeed, every day, and that it concerns our ordinary doings just as much as it concerns such epochs as being born, and marrying, and dying Moreover it has been urged, doubtless with truth, that the marrying and giving in marriage of the Old Testament was simply a matter of a man betrothing a maiden to himself, followed (perhaps as the culmination of a period of feasting1 by his taking her to his tent or home and receiving her physically as his wife) and the conclusion has been drawn from this that once the minimum demands of respectability have been honoured, and a pledge given and recorded that the partners regard each other, and are regarded by the law of the land, as man and wife this is all that could or should be expected
When we add to this that a good deal of the symbolism associated with the customary wedding celebrations is decidedly of non Christian origin, the way is laid bare for a downright repudiation of the practices of those around us
As a result, it may well have been the majority of weddings which, at one time, followed the minimum legal formalities, and left it at that The essential privacy of the man to woman contract was maintained, and the religious element was eliminated or kept to a minimum
For whatever reason, the situation has now changed radically There are fewer who would oppose some sort of religious ceremony associated with marriage, and more and more of such marriages occur It could even be said that the pendulum has swung right to the other end of its stroke, and that in some cases there is little to choose between the splendor of the world s social weddings, and that of some of our own, save in the place where the marriages are celebrated, and in the actual structure of the service itself.
Now it should be self-evident that right practice is not to be decided by comparisons with the world around us: what the world does in this, as in other matters, is acceptable if it is in harmony with the Word of God, and is to be rejected if it is in conflict with this. It is neither basically right nor basically wrong simply because of those who practice it.
And in some matters reaction may certainly have gone too far at a former time. Thus, it is true that marriage is a private contract between two people: up to a point. But if we want to say, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” it is not wholly true: for here we have three parties to the contract. And the importance of the third One needs no emphasis. It is true that no other man or woman has the right to penetrate into the private domain of a married couple, but it is also true, as we have mentioned already, that “none of us liveth to himself.” The community is, and ought to be, deeply concerned with the well being of all its members, including its newly-weds.2
And the preliminary study of Christ and His Bride, as reflected dimly by the truly Christian marriage, ought to have convinced us that the Ecclesia is deeply involved in that picture of it which is to be presented by each of its married pairs.
Beside, the precedent of Scripture does not really consign weddings to obscurity. Even though we cannot trace a marriage “service” as such, we can easily discover a marriage-feast which the Lord had apparently no scruples about attending, and to whose happiness He made a noteworthy contribution. And even though we rightly seek for a significance in the turning of water into wine which goes beyond the mere provision of excellent wine in the actual proceedings, we can be sure that the Lord would not have sought to manifest His glory at the expense of His principles3. His parables of the Wedding Feasts4 point the same way.
In so far, therefore, as the shift of emphasis represents a true desire to bring before God the marriage of two of His children, and to seek for strength and guidance in their new walk, associating the Ecclesia with their aspirations and their needs, it is hard to see anything but good in the shift towards an ecclesial marriage service. It amounts to the need for a simply examination of motives on the part of all concerned: Are we trying to ape the world ? Do we want merely to make our marriage seem respectable?* Are we trying to conceal the differences which ought to exist between Christadelphians and others ? Or is it genuinely our desire that God should be brought into our lives, and the ecclesias into our confidence, at this crisis in our spiritual living?
And if we can assure ourselves that it is the latter, there should be no obstacles to the ecclesia and ourselves going ahead and uniting in a formal act of worship, supplication, and praise.
There should be no objection to the bride looking her best, either. It is true that the best may well be attained with simplicity, as Esther’s was; and it is true that to be arrayed in “fine linen, clean and white,” which is the Bible’s way of attiring the true Bride of Christ when she meets her Bridegroom, does not demand all the pomp and elaboration of attire and attendants which seems to be customary so often. Indeed, the symbolism is better attained by simplicity than by pomp: but it is hard to see anything which would justify a continued objection to white as the most seemly apparel for the Christadelphian bride. It is, and is likely to remain, much more difficult for the bride-groom’s attire to do proper justice to the exalted role which he is expected to depict: to one or other of our conventions the man seems inextricably enslaved.5
And there should be no objection to wholesome happiness, at the service and at our modern substitute for the wedding feast. Provided only that our words and thoughts are not such as to bring the blush of shame to anyone’s cheeks, nor to make us self-conscious should the Lord suddenly appear in our midst, there is no better occasion to sing and made melody in our hearts before the Lord6
There is no need to stereotype a wed ding service We owe no sort of allegiance to the forms of words used in the official services of the churches, though it would be foolish to deny that they con tam words of wisdom from which we can profit We can take no part in the controversy as to whether the bride should undertake to love, honour, and obey, or merely to love and honour, for what has already been written on this subject settles the controversy for the Bible lover in favor of the spirit of the former, whatever may be actually said
This chapter is really a plea for a greater involvement of the ecclesia n the lives of its members not an interference or a censorship beyond the essential minimum of such activities, but a concern with every aspect of the well being of every member For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of the body, being many, are one body so also is Christ For by one Spirit were we all baptized into one body In addition to the duties which distinguish them, the members of the body have bonds which bind them, so that all the members should have the same care one for another And whether one member suffereth, all the members suffer with it, and one member is honored (glorified, RVM), all the members rejoice with it And we do very well to rejoice, not only when members are given to us by baptism, but when they are glorified, if only for a brief symbolic moment, into the image of Christ and His Ecclesia by marriage, or when they are blessed with children, just as we do rightly to mourn when they fall asleep and show sympathy when they are bereaved or stricken down with sickness7
And so the ecclesia should concern it self deeply and dearly with the marriages of its members, and they, on their part, should be encouraged to be glad in being sped on their way by their brethren and sisters in Christ A word of exhortation for them and for us all, and the occasion for praise and supplication, are in the highest degree seemly and appropriate, and can be well used to our own profit, and to the glory of Our God and Father
- Genesis 29 21 23 Judges 14:10-20
- Romans 14:7
- John 2:1-11
- Matthew 22 1 14 25 1 13 Luke 12 35 38 The advice in Luke 14 8 also clearly Indicates that the Lord did not disapprove of festivities associated with marriages
- Esther 2 12 17 Revelation 19:7-9 21:9ff Psalm 45:10-15
- Ephesians 5:19-21 How appropriate it is that these words immediately precede the theme of Christ and His Bride in relation to brother and his wife (5:22-33)
- 1 Corinthians 12:12-26
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One