Again the spirit underscores the exhortation in Peter by the force of the words used rather than by the length of the passage. The Greek for “honor” is Timee and it means “honor, esteem, respect.” It is the basic word used for the honor given to God (1 Tim. 1:17), the honor given the immortalized saints (Rom. 2:7), the honor granted the triumphant Lord Jesus (Rev. 5:12). So this word means “honor.”
Two reasons are given for a husband showing such an attribute towards his wife; she is weaker and she is equal. She is weaker in body yet equal in her exalted standing before God.
The Weaker Vessel
Today’s feminists chaff at the idea of the “weaker” sex. The original word is clear however and consistently carries the idea of physical weakness (2 Cor. 10:10; Acts 4:9 “impotent”; 1 Cor. 12:22 “feeble” etc. Normally the wife is physically weaker than her husband. Her muscles are not built to become as strong as a man’s. Her overall structure is not designed to be as swift nor as heavy as that of the male. However, it is certainly true many a woman drives herself to amazing accomplishments for the sake of her family and there can be no doubting the great energy expended in house work and child care.
Recognizing this situation, what should the husband do? He should help the weaker one; he should in the words of verse 8 have “compassion . . . be pitiful (sympathetic), be courteous.” This is the way of the Spirit. Throughout Scripture, the consistent admonition is that the stronger should care for and help those less advantaged than themselves. Sympathy was to be shown to the poor, the stranger, the orphan, the widows. Yahweh is gracious therefore His people are to reflect His character attributes in their daily lives (Ex. 22:27).
The way of the flesh stands in sharp contrast to the spirit of such instruction. The flesh would exploit the weaker one. It would take advantage of the situation and heap heavier burdens on the one already at a disadvantage. In many societies examples of the situation are bluntly obvious: the man rides while the woman walks, the woman does the heavy monotonous work while the man takes the easier more interesting activities. In our own societies, bullying by the husband of a physical or emotional kind is a feature all too common in the domestic scene.
In the home of a saint, such gross misconduct should be unheard of. But it is common for the husband to stand idly by while the wife struggles to dress a child or change a diaper. Often the husband is seen to rise content from the table and head for his chair while his wife is left to clear away the dishes. Frequently, the husband stands by while his wife cleans up some spillage or finishes some tedious chore late at night.
This is no doubt the same man who was most courteous during the days of courtship. He no doubt rushed to open the car door for his beloved, gently took her arm on slippery walkways, carefully held her coat or ushered her first through any door. The courtesy is not to disappear once marriage is sealed. It is the husband who would be a godly man who is admonished to be sympathetic, courteous, helpful. Therefore let the husband continue to honor his wife, whom he would no doubt agree is the “weaker” vessel, by helping her in their domestic life. Let him use his greater strength to relieve his wife of some of the tedium of the home; let him bend and wipe and fix, doing the little unglamorous acts of courtesy that make up daily discipleship.
There are other areas where the wife may seem the weaker vessel.
Feminine emotions are different from a man’s being affected by her child-bearing role. While exceptions abound, she normally is more tender, sensitive and feeling than a man which are requisites for the years of child care for which she is specially suited. Linked in to her role are her female moods which are subject to ups and downs.
God who made her thus styles her “the weaker vessel” but this does not give the man liberty to take advantage of the situation. Rather, as the Father gently deals with us in our weakness, so the husband is to treat his wife with special care, tenderness, delicacy. A thoughtful word or deed can do much to pick up a wife when she is down. An unexpected phone call at mid-day with some positive, loving words can do much. A word of praise or thanks about things she does all the time, things that can too easily be taken for granted, will buoy the spirit.
There may be other areas of “weakness.” The husband may rightly feel his wife is less objective in considering a matter, that she is overly cautious, unnecessarily fearful. When traveling, she may lack a sense of direction and may
have trouble reading a map. According to the Spirit-Word, these do not provide ready-made excuses for masculine criticism and disgust but confirm the need to be particularly loving and kind.
To the man who would imitate the way of his God, weakness does not give opportunity for hurt but gives occasion for gracious consideration.
Heirs Together
The wife may be “the weaker vessel” in some areas but in the more important matter of spiritual standing she is the equal of her husband.
In Christ, there is neither male nor female for all are one in His glorious name. Both are of the multitudinous seed; both are heirs of the promises, joint heirs with Christ; both look forward to ruling as king-priests in the millennial age; both are called and chosen and justified and hope to be glorified. Both look forward to having the Father’s name written forever in their foreheads.
Therefore let the husband respect his wife, “giving honor . . . as being heirs together of the grace of life.” She is important to God, she is one of those whom He desires, one who fears the Lord, one who hopefully will be His “saith the Lord of Hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels” (Mal. 3:16,17). If your wife is that important to God then show her some respect in the day-to-day circumstances of life. Let her know she is important to you that you are incomplete without her. Deal with her as an intelligent, committed, conscientious person. If she needs to be counseled or corrected, do so respectfully, attacking the problem not the person. In many cases, if we respect someone, we learn to live with their areas of weakness because of their offsetting strong points. If we respect our wives, we will do likewise with them ignoring areas of annoyance because of our surpassing regard for the person.
Respect her enough to talk things out with her. Take the time to explain a major change in financial conditions, a change of job or a change in attitude to accepting more ecclesial responsibilities. Value her opinion on Bible subjects or on domestic matters. Show respect for her intelligence by seeking her help in thinking through a difficult situation. Don’t pass arbitrary edicts without discussing the underlying reasons. Usually the explanations will suffice but it is tempting to a man to exercise his authority by dictating various domestic changes. Such authoritarian pronouncements convey minimal respect for his wife.
Keep her informed of personal or ecclesial developments. When your wife learns of something that you knew all along she feels she was not important enough to her husband for him to bother telling her the news. Do not deride her publicly or privately. We do not deride those we respect; we defend them and build them up. Bitter words are spoken in domestic strife; this ought not to be, but even in anger do not deride something your wife cannot change—a physical feature, a quirk of personality, an item of family background or personal history.
Respect what is important to her. Consciously seek to determine such things and to remember them. We probably did it when we were courting her—a favorite flower, a song, an activity. Now that we feel secure in marriage, we sometimes take her for granted and forget about pleasing her with appropriate thoughtfulness.
While this second reason given for honoring his wife is a lofty, spiritual one, the husband’s expression of it should be seen in the many temporal situations of domestic life. Let the husband act according to this knowledge and so live with his sister-wife as a fellow-heir of the promises of God.
That Your Prayers be not Hindered
Few things can be so chronically destructive of efficacious prayers as marital strife. For most, home is the place they seek relief from the carnal world. If that intended oasis becomes a location of tension, hostility, and turmoil, we are deprived of a needed refuge. Furthermore, domestic strife impairs our ability to meditate deeply on the Word. It is impossible to enter into the thinking of the Spirit in the midst of ongoing animosity.
Problems may exist at work or in the ecclesia and to some extent they can be thrust from the mind in the midst of a warm and loving home environment. If such does not exist, however, a great disruption occurs to the players of both husband and wife.
Then there is the matter of forgiveness. We pray for forgiveness of sins according to the instruction of our Lord. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”. There is no indication that the domestic circumstance is an exception to the rule. If we harbor resentment and bitterness towards our wife, we hinder our prayers in a very vital area indeed. We ought rather to forgive. The hurt may eat deep: a largeness of heart may be needed; strength from above may be required. But the issue is the forgiveness of our own sins and for that we need to exercise forgiveness ourselves.
A Summary
Peter’s exhortation directed to husbands may be brief in terms of number of words, but it is penetrating in its impact when thoughtfully considered. Through the apostle, the Spirit exhorts husbands to truly live together with their wives, cleaving to them according to their knowledge of the principles of godly conduct, not according to the dictates of carnal emotions. The husband is admonished to consider the situation and need of his wife. Yes, they may be the weaker vessel but this should occasion consideration, not abuse. Furthermore any weakness is a merely temporal siuation; equality is the rule, too, in the immortal condition. The present arrangement is for a moment of time compared with the eternity that lies before us. How vital that now for a short time the husband conducts himself properly toward his wife, that their walk might be strengthened in the hope of sharing together the joys of eternal fellowship.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One