Dear Ben,
I tried for a long time to go to church even when I did not want to be with Lisa or Joan, however it is difficult when I have no one there. My parents never have been much for going to church; we went because of my say. Yet it got harder and harder for me to say, “Yes, I want to go,” when I would dread the people I would be around when I was there. It is not so much that I do not want to be close to God, because that is not the factor. The factor is I am being told that I cannot be a person’s close friend because I am not yet baptized; that made me totally rethink and throw away my (imaginary) letter of baptism.
I know I will not revoke the truth forever but right now I do not see how I could be a part of such segregation. It may not be apparent where you are, or you may not have noticed it, but at my CYC there are the older members who are baptized that all talk together and the non-baptized members in another group. I have often wondered “Is this all in my head?” but it really isn’t. People seem to group together and leave others out, and I do not want to be a part of that. I would rather exclude myself and work on my personality than make others feel unwelcome.
I understand the point you are making that I should not allow anyone or thing come between myself and God, yet it seems so hard when I see things so wrong. I cannot see myself in fellowship with people that do not accept all. It is true I may not like everyone, but I would do everything within my powers to make them feel welcome; if they were not baptized, I would talk to them about it. That is what I always believed we were about, but I see the opposite.
Also, I was seriously considering baptism in spite of all these dilemmas that happened in my ecclesia, but then I read a book. The book is “Be ye doers of the word, “A Practical Guide for Godly Living,” written by Stallard and Potter [not a Christadelphian publication ed.]. Now I know I was intended to read this book because it was given to me as a Sunday school prize. However, this book would not make a person want to commit to a religion. It says that a woman’s sole purpose on earth is to serve men. It says if a woman goes to work, she is committing a sin against her husband, which is a sin against God. It says women are inferior to men, and a lot of other degrading things.
After reading this I was crushed. I took it to my dad’s parents, who have always been “good” Christadelphians in my mind. My grandfather handed the book back and said “well…” and stopped, and changed the subject fast. My grandmother said, “Well, I have heard that before.. .but between us, you can take on the religion and make the rest up to fit you.”
I didn’t want to make up my religion; I want to believe the truth. So I asked my mom’s father when he came out to visit us for his annual trip. He sat there and read the book, and told me that these are things he has heard, and are practiced, but not to worry.
This one book has destroyed all faith I once had, and now I have to rebuild. But I don’t think I could be a part of a faith that flat out tells me, “You were put on this earth to serve man.” If I am to serve anyone, I would want it to be God.
Wow deep topic, and late at night, too. Well, I am off to bed because I have to wake up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to baby-sit.
Love U Lots, Mary
P.S. If you ever get a chance try to read this book and tell me what you think, because no one can give me a straight answer if it is what Christadelphians believe or not. I think this book is one of the main things holding me back from baptism. Lisa and Joan were just social events, but this made me think for the worse.
Dear Mary,
I realize that in many ways you’ve had to deal with those who seem to hinder your relationship with God. I have already gone into that subject and from your latest e-mail it seems that you agree to a certain extent. It now seems from this email that you have some other problems that you need to work out. I hope you don’t mind, but for my own clarity I’d like to enumerate them.
- Someone telling you that you cannot be his or her close friend because you are not baptized.
- People who group together and leave others out.
- A book which gave you the impression that Christadelphians believe women are inferior to men.
If I see any common theme among these issues it is that they deal with other people’s attitudes. While not repeating what I have said in my last email I’d like to add some things and give you some more thoughts and I hope they help.
For the moment let’s just suspend everyone else and concentrate on you. It sounds to me that there are some things you need in your meeting and your CYC. You need to feel acceptance, belonging, support and equality among men and women, baptized and non. In truth, Mary, I feel the same way on all of these things. When I go to CYC, I want to feel others are happy to see me. I want to feel loved and accepted. And I want to know that all the members of the CYC are equal without any sort of artificial hierarchies and power trips.
It’s perfectly okay for you to want these things. I would venture to say most everyone who comes to CYC in some way wants to feel these things. I have argued previously that at some point in our spiritual development we should have our minds more focused on the Lord and less on those around us. This I believe is still true, yet that doesn’t change those needs we all feel.
Unfortunately I do not attend your CYC to be an eyewitness to what you describe. I’ve been in many situations, however, where the youth are cliquish. I want you to know that I agree with you. This attitude is wrong and flies in the face of many of Jesus’ most fundamental teachings.
There are two ways to deal with problems such as these when they arise in the ecclesia. One method is to throw up our hands in disgust and show our disagreement by walking away. I would call this method scriptural as it also flies in the face of Jesus’ teaching. The other method, while perhaps taking more strength, is to try to effect change. Realize, please Mary, if you feel the way you do then others must feel similarly. Imagine some young 14-year-old girl. She is just starting to come around to CYC and is still a little bit unsure about everything. She has some good friends at school, but she’s always kind of wanted to go to CYC. Her family is not a regular meeting attender, so her friendships in the Sunday School are a bit strained. Still she decides to try CYC out. When she goes, she sees everyone in their groups talking to one another before and after class. She’s shy and wants to get invited into a group, but no one really acknowledges her outside of a passing hi. She feels alone and unwanted by the youth group. She attends off and on a couple more times but nothing really changes. Her visits to CYC become less and less frequent until she just stops coming altogether.
Mary, does this ring a bell? If something like this happened to you, don’t you think it might happen to someone else?
Although I’ve just written a mock scenario, it pained me to do it because I know this sort of thing happens all the time. Mary, you must know how that girl feels; you can understand her. This puts you in two unique positions. First, you can help this girl. You can understand what she’s going through and be the one who makes her feel welcome and happy that she has come. Second, you can do something now so that situations like yours or like the girl’s no longer happen.
We all have work to do in the body of the Lord. Paul makes this point very clearly. Although you may not realize it, you may have a vital role to play in the body. You can be the one who repairs this wound so that no one has to go through what you’ve gone through. I cannot think of a more vital role to be played than this one. But, Mary, if you remove yourself from the group, the body becomes incomplete and other young ones will come in and feel the same pain you have. Don’t let that happen, don’t turn your back on the body, but help heal it. Yes, there will be frustration; yes, there will be hard work; and yes, you will be dealing with some stubborn and perhaps unkind people, yet in an all-too-real sense the salvation of others yet to be seen depends upon it. Mary, this is the principle and this is what we are instructed to do. I know that you have this in you; you have said yourself in your own email, “It is true I may not like everyone, but I would do everything within my powers to make them feel welcome, and if they were not baptized I would talk to them about it.” Don’t you see, Mary, you have such an important role to fill.
Some people get their priorities easily misplaced. They think that the CYC president, vice president, treasurer, event coordinators, and so on are these really important people and everyone else is just less important. I don’t mean to say that the positions I’ve just enumerated are not important, but what good is a CYC president without a CYC, or an events coordinator without anyone to attend the event? The fact is that every member of the body is significant and has a job to perform. Clearly there are some jobs the leaders are forgetting about. The problem develops when we become concerned that in order to be “important” we must have one of those positions. The opposite is true. All members are equally important in the eyes of God. The same sort of logic applies to the ecclesia. Some might think that because they are not on the arranging board they are not important. Some might get the idea that because they aren’t a brother they are unimportant. Paul brings out the point in Galatians. In the Kingdom there will be neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, male nor female. Jesus points very clearly to the idea of oneness when he prays to his Father that the believers may be one with him and God even as he is with his Father.
I have not read the book that you read, although if you send it to me I will be very happy to do so. I don’t intend to get into a huge discussion on Bible apologetic but bear this in mind. No member of the body is inferior to any other member. In fact we are all, male and female, collectively the bride of Christ. One day, God willing, you will have a husband who will have the responsibility for guiding his household to the Kingdom. That does not make you in any way inferior to him. We are all sinners saved equally by the grace of God through faith in Jesus.
From what I can tell the book you have read is mostly an interpretation and a very unbalanced one at that. If the book truly teaches the purpose of women on the earth is to “serve men,” then I say with the utmost confidence IT IS NOT WHAT CHRISTADELPHIANS BELIEVE. I take greater example from my father who at every turn in his ecclesial life consults with my mother. Together they make a decision about their family’s well-being or regarding the ecclesia which my father will carry with him to the arranging board. In the matter of exhortations I take the example from a Sis. Eleanor who attends my ecclesia. While she has never given an exhortation from the platform, I have never been so effectively exhorted as when I have a conversation with her. Her words build me up, her example is often inspiring, and she challenges me to be a better servant of God. Please do not let the opinions of some come between you and God. And please do not turn your back on the ecclesia when there is so clearly a work to be done. I know you love God, and I know you believe in His son. Follow in his footsteps, study his words and character. Mary, you have such a wonderful spirit which can effect so much good. Please see these things, search out the scriptures, and do the greater work, not so much out of your love of men as much as your love of God.
I write these things with the sincerest affection. Please continue to write. Love,
My Dearest Ben,
I see your points, and they are valid. I guess after Bible School I will try to attend CYC again, but I will do it in baby steps. I’ll go once a month and then twice the next, and so on. I’ll try to drag my sister along so I have someone, but I think that will be hard since she hates CYC more than words can express. I am just scared; I have always been accepted and now I am not. It is something new for me, and really difficult for me to get into it, but I will try my best.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One