Hey Ben!
Yesterday I told you that I was not going to Bible School because I haven’t been going to meeting. I haven’t been going to meeting because I don’t fit in, as crazy as that might sound – hear me out. Lisa used to be my best friend in the world, but ever since Bible School last year she has had a different attitude toward me. She flat out told me that we cannot be close friends and she cannot sit with me during meeting anymore because I am not baptized and God would frown upon her for associating with a “heathen.” So after I was told that I was terribly hurt.
I also was friends with Joan, but all she wanted to do was play with the babies and younger children. I have no problem with younger children, but I work with children everyday and when I only see a person once a week I would like to speak to them. So, slowly she talked to me less and less, until it seemed for her to even casually toss out a “hi” was too much of an effort.
I also used to go to CYC every week, but it got to the point that I was not a part of any of the groups. There are the older CYC members, who started to stay together more. The new 13-year-olds were all gossiping about their “new boy/girl friends.” There really weren’t people my age that I was able to relate to, even on just a casual basis. So I stopped going to CYC, and I stopped going to meeting, and I decided that if I don’t feel comfortable there, I would most likely feel out of place at Bible school.
Well, you said that you would probably be checking this on your break at work, so I will end this before you run out of time to jog over to the water cooler and hear the latest news.
Talk to you later,
Love U lots,
Mary
Dear Mary,
I’m sitting here reading your email and I feel that I’m reading something very familiar. You see I’ve heard this sort of thing many times before. In fact, it is an argument I’ve used myself in times past. Your points are valid, Mary, and I wouldn’t say for a second that what you’ve written isn’t the truth as you have experienced it. However, there are some comments I’d like to make about your perspective.
When we are growing up in the ecclesia, we form friendships with those
our own age around us. Our parents are generally good at helping these relationships along just by taking us to events where our friends will be. I realize this may not exactly be the case with you. In time, part of the reason we want to attend meeting and Sunday School is in order to see our friends. It’s not that we have formed some special spiritual bond with these youth, but maybe they share similar interests with us, or perhaps they were just there. For whatever reason, it was fun to see them. If parents act as they should, they will foster these friendships, realizing the vital link it forms to the ecclesia.
As we grow up to adolescence, this attitude continues in degrees. As a young CYCer, we might look forward to the next activity or conference because we are able to share time with our friends. Hopefully, while we are there, we pick up some of the spiritual lessons, but not always. Importantly, we are forming a pattern of attendance at such events, and over time begin to see more clearly the differences between our friends at CYC and our friends in other places, like school.
It is apparent from your email that when you were attending CYC, a large part of your motivation was to see your two friends, Lisa and Joan. I’ve known both of them for some time and I’ve always thought they were pretty nice girls. I was happy that you had made friends with them, but now I’m sorry that they evidently have become fickle friends.
However, Mary, as we grow older a new spirit should begin to develop within us. At some crucial point in our spiritual development, the reason for attending a Bible class or Bible school should be less about who else will be attending, and more about our individual need to attend. A habit that many of us have is putting someone or something in between God and ourselves. Consider if I loved potlucks so much that when it was announced potlucks will be suspended for one month, I stopped going to meeting.
I hope no one has such an obsession with potlucks, but the same logic carries over to how we deal with friendships. Are we attending meeting for the sake of being with our friends or are we going in order to worship and praise God and learn more about His gospel? When we are young, the answer may very well be that we came to see our friends (and properly, because of our parents’ encouragement); but as we grow older, our reasons for attendance should be much more about God, Jesus, and ourselves, and much less about our friends.
Very directly, what I am saying is that I think you put your friends between yourself and God. This is evident because the actions of your friends have had a direct impact on your attendance at meeting and Bible school.
You see, God was smart. He knew that our friends, relatives, hobbies, and passions were all subject to let us down. God will never let us down in that way. The only thing that God put between ourselves and Himself is perfect – the Lord Jesus Christ. It is he who will never fail you, walk out on you, mistreat you, or snub you. And when you come to meeting on Sunday, you do so to remember his sacrifice and to worship his God and our God, Yahweh.
Within the larger ecclesial community, I believe that this principle also carries. God has made it very clear that our relationship with others, especially those of the house of God, should be related to our relationship with Him. Jesus says in John 15: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you” (Jn. 15:12-14).
Our love for one another should not be based upon each other’s worth.
To be cynical, Jesus never says, “You should love Bob because he’s a good guy and he deserves it.” Our love for one another is based upon our love for Jesus and our desire to follow his example. To further this line of thinking, recall where Jesus says to Peter. “Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?” (Jn. 21:15-17). Peter pleads three times that he loves Jesus (although only using the phileo word for love). Jesus responds that Peter should feed his sheep. Jesus was instructing Peter very directly that Peter’s love toward him should be manifested in how he cared for the ecclesia.
So even if others you come across in the ecclesia do not perfectly reflect this biblical principle, that should not control how you respond to the message. Attend CYC, attend meeting, and for goodness’ sake attend Bible school. Don’t do it because of your friends. Do it because of God. Do it to renew your mind with His word. I guarantee you, if you attend events with this frame of mind and you are consistent, you will attract those who think similarly and they will help strengthen you on your walk to the Kingdom. You will then not be looking sideways or backwards, but all of you will be looking straight forward to the Kingdom, which we pray will soon be established.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One