The Family God Created

Families, natural and spiritual

Let us consider the reasons that God ordered human families the way that he did:

• Why join a husband and a wife together until old age and death?
• Why have children that require 20 years of parental support?
• Why link us together with brothers and sisters for so many years inside a family?

Throughout the course of our physical lives we play many roles: dependent child, brother or sister, husband or wife, parent, grandparent, and often are once again so old that we become dependent on our children. Is it just coincidence that many of our roles in the church or ecclesia are modelled in the same way? Consider the roles that God asks us to play in our spiritual lives:

• Child of God
• Brother and sister in Christ
• Bride of Christ
• Elder or Spiritual parent

Family and ecclesial life are part of a preparation; family and ecclesial life are like a training ground preparing us for something bigger, something even more important — something to do with the very purpose of life itself.

Consider why God chose to create our planet with its seas, lands, rivers, and skies and to fill them with fish, birds, animals, and finally people. What was the purpose in all of that? It’s a purpose reflected in our family and ecclesial lives. It is God’s purpose:

• To have children that form a family.
• To have each love his fellow man as brother and sister.
• To join Christ and His other children in unity like the unity of a bridegroom and bride.
• To be a Father supporting His children.

The whole purpose can be boiled down into one statement: That God may be all in all. One family unified in God. All of our roles in our family and in our ecclesia: child, sibling, spouse, parent, grandparent, and elder — they are all roles which God is using to prepare us for His ultimate purpose: One family unified in Him.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:1-2 NIV).

“In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through su_ffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers” (Heb 2:10-11 NIV).

“Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God” (Rom 7:4).

“Then one said unto him [Jesus], Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother” (Matt 12: 47-50).

When a new sister gets baptized into the family of God, all of those roles can ultimately be spiritually fulfilled by our new sister: daughter, sister, bride, and mother. The same goes for every sister and brother here, we have been called to fill spiritual roles as children, siblings, spouses, and parents. God’s purpose is for people, through joy and hardship, to learn and to grow and so form one family in Him. God in all, and all in God.

And now, at this memorial service, we are before the cross of Jesus. Before the bread and wine — representing the body and blood of our elder brother. Of that cross we read of the following account:

“Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home” (John 19:25-27).

And so, when we sit before the body and blood of our elder brother and partake of these emblems, we should look around at those partaking with us. Look in front, behind, and to our sides, for behold, these are our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our sons and daughters. God intends this to be a family. Why else do we share together partaking of the same body and the same blood?

Only we must be careful to make this a family. God may intend it, but we are the ones who must want it, choose it and work for it.

Every day is a choice

It only takes a moment to form a family relationship.

• How long does it take to be born and become a son or a daughter? (A relatively short time, the span of a birth.)
• How long does it take to become a brother or sister? (Likewise, in the span of a birth.)
• How long does it take to get married and become a spouse? (The time it takes to say “I do”.)
• How long does it take to become a parent? (Whether though a birth or through adoption: in the span of a birth, or the signing of the papers.)
• All of these family relationships are formed and begin in a short moment of time: child, sibling, spouse, and parent.
• And how long does it take to get baptized?

As we have often witnessed, it takes only a short moment of time for a new brother or sister to begin a new spiritual relationship, being placed under the water, and a couple seconds later out of the water: child of God, sister of Jesus, bride of Christ, and spiritual mother for the young. And similarly for a new brother: child of God, brother of Jesus, bride of Christ, and spiritual father for the young.

Quick to form, quick to destroy, but LONG to build

However, like any family relationship, while it begins in a moment, it takes years to form a deep and strong relationship. And just as abruptly as a brother-sister, husband-wife, or parent-child relationship begins, it can be quickly damaged or even destroyed. Careless or hurtful words or actions can undo a relationship in moments. James wrote: “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark” (James 3:5 NIV).

It takes but moments for a small spark to set a forest on fire. On the other hand, to build up love, trust, and companionship takes months and years and decades. Is a good marriage built in a day? Do we become good children over night? How about good parents? The answer is NO.

A successful family relationship, whether parent-child, husband-wife, or brother-sister takes time and effort. It is not a one-time decision, taken one day and forgotten. Being a good child, sibling, spouse, or parent takes daily work, year after year. And so it is with all who are baptized and have put on Christ: We have all heard these words: “Baptism is only the beginning of our walk in Christ”. And so it is.

You become a child of God, a sister or brother of Christ, a member of the ecclesia which is the bride of Christ, in one moment of time. We are buried in baptism and within seconds, in the eyes of God, we are raised in newness of life, out of the watery grave and into God’s family, having been joined to the body of Christ. However, to be a good child, sibling, and spouse is a daily battle that lasts a lifetime. It is a journey that is filled with many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and it is one that requires much endurance.

No guarantees in our natural families

With our natural families there is never any guarantee that our family relationships will work out well. Consider parent-child relationships in this world. How many children run away from their parents? In Canada about 30,000 every year (according to Missing kids Canada). And aside from the runaways, how many more parent-child relationships are poor or even just “lukewarm”? Certainly many, many more. Some of the reasons parent-children relationships break down:

• Parents hurting or neglecting children;
• Parents not accepting children’s decisions or lifestyle;
• Children disagreeing with parents’ rules or decisions and as a consequence seeking more independence;
• Children being ashamed of some aspect of their lives;
• And perhaps even more commonly:
• Parents not spending enough time with children;
• Parents not giving enough love to their children;
• Children not respecting or being willing to forgive parents;
• Children growing up and not giving enough of their time to their parents, due to being busy, or moving away, or just not caring.

We could list similar reasons for husband and wife relationships. Approximately four in ten Canadian marriages end not by the death of one of the partners, but by divorce. Many more live in cold or even “lukewarm” marriages. Some of the top reasons marriages do not work out:

• Lack of communication;
• Not being considerate of spouse’s needs;
• Infidelity;
• Not pulling one’s weight or being irresponsible;
• Neglect, not spending enough time together.

The basis of breakdown between sibling, parent-child, and husband-wife relationships is similar. It generally boils down to lack of time, consideration, self-sacrifice, and love.

And so there is certainly no guarantee that our natural family relationships will work out. As already mentioned, they begin in a moment and can be damaged just as quickly, but they require months, years, and decades of time, consideration, self-sacrifice, and love in order to build.

No guarantees in our spiritual family

All that has been said with regard to natural families applies to our spiritual family. As we all know, there is never any guarantee of salvation even though we have been baptized. None of us can sit here and say for sure we will be judged worthy to be part of Christ’s bride, his ecclesia, or worthy of being a son or daughter of God. There are certainly ups and downs and there will be times when it appears we are failing in our spiritual family. And so, in our roles as God’s children, consider for a moment that our spiritual relationships fail and succeed for the same reasons that our natural relationships do.

If we are too busy to care about our heavenly Father, to speak to Him, to read His word, and appreciate His hand in our lives, then we will drift away from Him, just as we would if we treated our own natural fathers like that.

In our roles as spiritual parents to the young (e.g., elders, leaders, role models, teachers), remember that our spiritual relationships fail and succeed for the same reasons that our natural relationships do.

• Parents must spend time to get to know their children.
• Parents must be patient and loving towards their young to build their trust.
• Parents must make the effort to teach and to guide the spiritually young if the young are to grow and to reach their potential.
• Every member has a part to play in guiding the youth of the ecclesia, even if it’s as simple as listening and providing a helping hand.

Regarding our roles as brothers and sisters: again, our spiritual relationships fail and succeed for the same reasons that our natural relationships do. If we do not treat our brothers and sisters with kindness and consideration, we will drive walls between us. If we let ourselves get too busy and fail to spend time together we will drift apart.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the day approaching” (Heb 10:24-25 NIV).

It’s important for us to take the time and effort to get to know one another. We cannot spur one another to love and good deeds if we don’t meet together and act with goodness toward one another: at the memorial, at Bible class, in our homes, and whenever or wherever our brothers and sisters have need.

Our role as the bride of Christ

Once more, remember that our spiritual relationships fail and succeed for the same reasons that our natural relationships do. What does a bride vow when she is married?

We are all familiar with the following vow: I take thee to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

That wedding vow, which goes all the way back to at least 1549, forms the basis for most of the English speaking world’s wedding vows, and was based on the Biblical ideal of a husband-wife relationship. Similar to the groom’s, the bride’s marriage oath is a solemn promise to love, cherish, and obey the husband from that day onwards. Like any literal man-woman marriage in the world today, our spiritual marriage to Christ will fail if we neglect it, do not put in the effort, or are unfaithful to Christ.

What is unfaithfulness to Christ?

The figure of marriage is the figure of oneness and unity. The bride of Christ forms one body with him: “for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:27-28).

We are unfaithful to Christ when we fail to act as part of Christ’s body: not obeying Jesus, our head, and not serving and caring for the other members of the body. Infidelity happens when we serve the old man or woman, whom we were supposed to have put off at baptism, instead of Christ, whom we have put on. And so, when we serve ourselves instead of obeying Christ, we are jeopardizing our union or marriage with him.

Conversely, when we follow Christ’s teachings and example and serve his body as if it were our very own, we fulfill our role as Christ’s bride, destined to become one with him and with the Father, and to fulfill Christ’s prayer for us. Christ prayed “…that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me” (John 17:22,23).

Joy in God’s family

The whole purpose can be boiled down into one statement: that God may be all in all. One family unified in God. All of our roles in our family and in our ecclesia: children, sibling, spouse, parent, they are all roles which God is using to prepare us for His ultimate purpose: one family unified in Him. Eternal joy as part of one family unified in God is a prospect beyond compare. All of the effort and sacrifice required to be part of God’s family is worthwhile. I leave you with Paul’s words of exhortation to the Colossians:

“…you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col 3:9-17 NIV).