With every child’s birth, four grandparents are born. A child does not choose to be born, nor does a grandparent choose to become a grandparent. For a grandparent, the birth of a child gives the gift of a new connection between all who have preceded him and all who will follow.
Genetically, a child is the sum of two parents and four grandparents. From this lineage the child’s temperament, emotions, physical characteristics, mental tendencies and many other factors are inherited. Each new generation telescopes from the preceding one. The implications of this genetic order are that there is a natural bond between grandparent and grandchild. This bond is second only to the bond between parent and child.
The way it was
In past centuries, grandparents lived with their children because of tradition, health care, poverty or an absence of government programs to help the elderly. Though not without its problems, this living arrangement did create strong family ties that lasted for generations.
The way it is
Contrast that tradition with the social trends of our times. Today, many women are in the workforce rather than spending all their time in the home. Older people in general are more financially secure, enjoy earlier retirement and have more leisure time than in the past. Families that have been shattered by divorce are common today. The number of children being raised by single parents has increased dramatically. Under these circumstances it may be difficult for grandparents to assume this role as was the case for past generations.
Also, today’s grandparents may live at great distances from their children, which makes it difficult to establish bonding with grandchildren. Many grandparents live “young-old” lives, in which there is little grandparent interest in their grandchildren. The consequences of many of these factors is that many children have little or no connection with their grandparents.
A unique bond
Grandparents enjoy a unique bond with their grandchildren because they are exempt from the normal day-to-day parent-child relationship. It is said that grandparents have all the fun with none of the responsibility. Grandparents provide a ready acceptance of the grandchild, who does not have to perform in an outstanding manner to be accepted.
There is a process involved in grandparenting. With the birth of the grandchild, the desire to nurture is reawakened, especially in the grandmother. The birth of a grandchild strengthens the bond between parent and grandparent. Grandparents will feel pre-birth anticipation, feelings of joy and wonder, feelings of having connections with the next generation, and an intense desire to see the new grandchild. These are natural instincts which bond family ties.
A vital link to right instruction
The most important thing a parent or grandparent can do is to teach God’s laws, commandments and His works. He must teach the hope that God provided for us in His Son, Jesus Christ. Within this framework, the parent and grandparent can lay the foundation for a vital faith in God which will sustain the child throughout his life (Prov. 22:6).
We know what happens to the child if the essentials of God are not passed from one generation to another. Families develop their own set of beliefs, attitudes, and values since no one can live in a vacuum. Society’s values will be absorbed in the absence of God’s statutes and laws. Israel is a primary example of this folly in their abandonment of God’s laws in favor of the lifestyles of their neighbors.
David recognized the necessity of each generation teaching its successor about the Lord. In Psalm 78 David entreats his hearers to tell their children and following generations about the “glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders which he has wrought” (v. 4). The commandment was that fathers should teach these things to their children “that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children so that they should set their hope in God” (vs. 67). In fact, God ordained that the primary place to teach children is within the family.
Israel failed to teach from generation to generation what God had taught them, and they suffered greatly. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge, I will also reject thee…seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God. I will also forget thy children” (Hosea 4:6). When there is no teaching by parents or grandparents, the children are lost eternally.
Vital to building a family
Grandparents are the vital foundation of the family, a role which God has given to them and them alone. It is a role that no one else can fill. Grandparents must willingly accept their role, giving first priority to it in time, energy and resources insofar as they are able. They must reject the idea, now current in our society, that retirement is to be a time of self-gratification to the exclusion of other commitments — particularly their commitment to God, their family and His family through Christ.
Special lessons grandparents can teach
As grandparents grow older, they have a unique opportunity to show parents and grandchildren that aging is nothing to fear, contrary to our youth-centered culture. A strong faith in the Lord and a godly example in actions, ethics, attitudes and living are the hallmarks of faithful grandparents.
The best teaching is by example. Grandparents have the advantages of experience, time in retirement and hopefully a lifetime of faithful service to God. As God planned the generational passing of His hope, works and commandments, this same concept has vital significance in the larger family of God as well for “Ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:26). Thus, grandparenting skills can be lovingly used in the body of Christ, not only with our own grandchildren, but also those who are children and grandchildren in the faith.
Grandparents are the vital foundation of the family for they provide unique connections with the past and transmit the family’s heritage. As the oldest family members, grandparents transmit attitudes, values, wisdom and nurture in a loving way both parents experience and stand in the wings to and grandchildren as needed.
Adapted from H.D.
A Grandson’s View
Dear Grandma,
I felt one major item that was left unsaid at Grandpa’s funeral is the living legacy that he left behind. m sure that he would in no way take personal credit for this legacy, but would have given credit to God’s mercy and his loving wife. Modesty was one of his lovely characteristics.
The legacy I have in mind is the fact that, at the time of his death, Grandpa left behind four sons and four daughters-in-law all in the Truth. In turn, all of their grown children have accepted the Truth and those who are married have all selected a partner in the Truth. Grandma, that is quite an accomplishment and one that speaks volumes about the environment that existed in your home over 64 years. This accomplishment is all the more remarkable when you realize the age in which we live not only tolerates but actually encourages covetousness and even homosexuality. This is an age when television has supplanted reading, even Bible reading in the homes of some disciples of Christ.
There is a parable which speaks about the different length of service that some spend in the vineyard of our Lord. Grandpa spent a long time in the Lord’s service but! know he was grateful that even those who serve a short time will receive the reward of eternal life. For one thing, he viewed his own labors and the results of them as a reward in itself. The living legacy that Grandpa left behind is one of the clearest examples of the reward that even now comes to the servant of God.
I know Grandpa would in no way take singular credit for this living legacy. He would quite rightly give much of the credit to you and realize nothing at all was possible without the mercy of God. And that is true, but it would not have been possible without him either. You should both feel proud (in the right sense of the word) and thankful for what has been accomplished. It is my hope and prayer that when my end comes, either in death or the return of Jesus, all of my children and adult grandchildren have come to know, love and accept God’s principles in the same way in which your children and grandchildren have. There is much credit due to both of you acting together in harmony the last 64 years.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We have lost a friend, brother, father and grandfather but you have lost a helpmate. Nothing can replace that. And so our prayer is that our Almighty Father will provide you the strength to press forward with His work until His Son returns.
Your Loving Grandson
The Grandpa is Bro. Gordon Luff of Brantford, Ontario who passed away in March of 1994. This letter further reinforces the great power for good that parents and grandparents can have in family life.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One