Keeping Family Time in Balance

A Little while ago a man I work with, named Alan, came in to work on a Monday morning fired up about the sermon his minister gave the day before. It was about raising kids, and family issues in general. There was a quote that stuck in Alan’s mind, that seemed to be the heart of the talk: “Kids spell love T-I-M-E.”

There’s a lot of truth to that. We tell our kids we love them, that they are more precious than work or hobbies. Yet if we are busy with something else every time they want to do something with us, do you think they believe our words?

Kids want to be with their parents, unless there is something very wrong in the family. They want to be in the same room with you. They don’t want to be left home. They want you to play with them, listen to them, read to them. They want you to spend time with them.

Spending that time is the only effective way of teaching them godly values. Sunday School isn’t anywhere near enough time. They will learn far more from how they see you act than from anything you tell them. And if how you act matches what you tell them, they will really be convinced.

“Faith without works [of faith] is dead.” What’s love without loving ac­tions? Just as dead. And to a large extent, kids (and our spouse, too) measure that love in terms of time.

But there’s another side to this. My friend Alan liked this sermon, I suspect, because it reinforced his own lifestyle. He loves to spend time with his kids. He takes them fishing, takes them to the park, makes special trips with them to amusement parks. He reads to them and plays with them.

All this is wholesome, but it all revolves around pleasures of this life. It feels great to think that all these things that you like to do are also satisfying your religious and family commitments.

Spending time with our family is very important. Some of us don’t do nearly as good a job as we should. But it raises another question — do we use our family as an excuse to decline ecclesial work?

Service in the ecclesia, work in the wider brotherhood, preaching, and so on can’t be left to those who don’t have families. We all need to be active in serving.

It can hurt to say “no” to your kids when they want to do things with you. But when you do (if it’s not too often), you are also teaching them an important priority. The Lord’s work is important and some of my time must be spent therein.

In so many areas, balance is the key as to how we allocate family time.