A Pre-marriage Class

Dear Beth,

Now that you and Zach have decided to marry, you might give serious consideration to having a pre-marriage class. Often this is available from the brother who is to marry you.

We have found this to be a really good idea. There are a lot of things about living with another person, however, which it would be good to talk out in advance. And there are marriage basics which you would do well to consider now before you are in the middle of the situation.

To help you get ready for a class, I have listed some of the questions Uncle Russ Patterson uses as a basis for pre-marriage instruction.

1. Why do you want to get married?
2. Why do you want to get married now?
3. Why do you want to marry this person? What qualities do you admire and/or respect?
4. What do you expect out of marriage? From each other?
5. What problems or adjustments do you foresee in your marriage?
6. “Marriage is a commitment involving three individuals.” Respond to this statement. (The third person is the Lord Jesus.)
7. A good marriage must be built. In what ways do you plan to build your marriage?
8. “Bear one another’ s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). What does this mean to you?
9. Marriage partners should also befriends. Are you? How do friends help and/or act toward each other?
10. Marriage partners encourage one another. How do you encourage each other now? How will you do so after marriage?
11. How will you encourage each other in the Truth?
12. Why is total communication essential in a marriage?
13. What do you understand from the statement, “Husband and wife are one?”
14. “Look not on your own needs, but also on the needs of others” (Phil. 2:4). What does this mean between marriage partners?
15. “The husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:22-25). What does this mean to you?
16. Romans 15 :2 and I Thessalonians 5 :11 mention edifying one another. What does this mean to you?
17. “Marriage progresses until the death of one of the partners.” What does this mean to you?
18. How will you act toward crises in you marriage? (Problems such as job loss, money shortage, in-law conflicts, sickness, etc.).
19. There are three Greek words for love: eros — physical love, philio —friendship love and agape — self-giving love. Where are you in your love for each other?
20. Could you be happy with this person if he/she never changes?
21. Can you be happy with this person i f hel she changes in ways you never dreamed of?
22. How do you plan to handle the changes that will come in your life together?

23. Seeing the need for a change in a specific area of your spouse’s behavior, how would you help to effect that change?
24. In your marriage, do you want to make your partner happy or do you want to become happy?
25. Do you feel you fully accept each other with your habits and shortcomings?
26. Do you feel you really know each other?
27. Do you mutually enjoy each other without the need of constant physical expression? (Holding hands, cuddling, etc.).
28. Respond to this definition of marriage: “Marriage is an unconditional commit­ment to an imperfect person.”
29. How do you feel about spending money?
30. What goals do you have for your marriage?
31. How will you react when you have differing opinions?
32. What role will your parents play in your marriage?
33. How will you keep the “romance” in your marriage?
34. I Peter 3:7 states that husband and wife are “heirs together of the grace of life.” React to that truth.

35. Who will provide income for your household?
36. How will this be accomplished?
37. How will you divide the roles in your marriage?
    a. House cleaning
    b. Paying the bills.
    c. Division of the money.
    d. Budget
    e. Arriving at decisions.
    f. Personal allowances (clothing, entertainment, etc.).
    g. Yard work.
    h. Cooking
    i. Children
    j. Problem solving.
38. How do you view ecclesial participation and responsibilities?
39. How will you promote Christ in your home?
40. When will you do the daily readings? Daily prayer together?
41. What do the wedding vows mean to you: State it in your own words.

Here is a sample expression of the vows you may wish to consider: “I take you to be my wedded husband/wife and in so doing commit my life to you encompassing all sorrows and joys — all hardships and triumphs — all the experiences of life; dedicated to helping you become perfect in Christ. This commitment is made in love, to be kept in faith and lived in hope and renewed continually in Christ’s love. Will you take this woman/man to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? Will you, in the name of Jesus Christ, and by God’s grace, agree so to live with her/him that you may faithfully bear witness to the love of our Lord to his ecclesia, (agree so to live with him that you may faithfully bear witness to the devotion and obedience of the ecclesia to our Lord) seeking her/his welfare as your own, and forsaking all others keep faithful unto her/him as long as the providence of God will spare you, or until Jesus returns to claim his bride?

Your loving,
Uncle Tom and Aunt Sarah