When You Disagree on Bible Issues

Dear Aunt Sarah,

As you know, Andrew and I have decided we are the ones for each other. We really hit it offwell andfind a lot of companionship together. But there are a number of Biblical issues on which we don’t agree.

Of course ,we are in total agreement on all the first principles of the Truth. When we get beyond that, however, there are a lot of items having practical importance which we seem to approach from wholly different points of view. Some of the areas are matters of emphasis, like grace or works; others revolve around long-standing discussions within the community, such as divorce and remarriage, the way God works in our lives and our approach to Revelation and prophecy. We also disagree on dress codes and whether or not to read Yahweh for Lord.

I know you and Uncle Tom are both good Bible students and have definite opinions on scripture topics so you must have disagreed on some things. What do you think I should do?

Lovingly,
Naomi

Dear Naomi,

What a blessing that you have found someone in the Truth that you look forward to marrying. Having the Truth in common makes an incredible difference in your ability to serve others, to serve God and to raise any children to be servants of our Lord.

Remember what you have in common

You would not believe the difficulty introduced into a marriage when the couple does not share the same spiritual values, when they are not seeking the same goals in life and when they cannot wholeheartedly pray together. Don’t let the differences you have overshadow what you have in common. Our human tendency is to take areas of agreement for granted and concentrate on differences of opinion. That can be destructive to any relationship, even when two people love each other.

He doesn’t want a ditto

First of all, then, keep your disagreements in perspective. Second, recognize that you are a strong-minded person. Andrew can’t help but be aware of that. If he has fallen in love with you, he obviously does not want a wife who is a pushover and just agrees with everything he says. On the other hand, while he may appreciate the fact you care enough about the Bible to have definite opinions, too much independ­ence of thinking wears a person down after a while. You need to sense when a disagreement has gone far enough and is now starting to affect the underlying relationship.

Remember, too, that a person sometimes takes a long time to change his mind on some points. It took me years before I finally came to agree with Uncle Tom on a couple of issues. In the mean time, I pretty well kept quiet on those matters and now I’m glad I did.

Andrew will also change on some areas of difference and come around to your way of thinking. Interestingly, he has already written us about this same area of concern. Being the head of the household doesn’t mean he’s always right and he knows it. There are some issues where, if you give him a little time, he’ll no doubt come around to your point of view.

Differences not all bad

Third, coming to the Truth from different perspectives can be useful to the spiritual growth of you both. You can learn from each other and help each other to deepen in the word of God. Uncle Tom and I have never quite seen alike on Revelation and prophecy but the differences have been kept in perspective and actually contribute to lively discussions during the readings or at other times. We can do this because we respect each other and are prepared to recognize when the other one has a good point. Hopefully, the same is true for Andrew and yourself

We have also found that a difference in emphasis on, for example, faith and works has kept us more balanced in our living the Truth. The husband and wife are supposed to do this for each other as they serve to complete the other person.

Some differences should be resolved

There are some areas, however, where disagreement has to be worked out. Unless you both agree that God does work in your lives, you will find it impossible to pray together. The mechanics of how God answers prayer is not particularly important. But if one of you does not believe that God is actively at work in the lives of the believers, you will not be able to pray together.

You should also reach an agreement on the divorce and remarriage issue. We have seen some marriages severely hurt by the husband going to one ecclesia and the wife to another because of disagreement over the fellowshipping of a divorced person who has remarried. Coming to a workable arrangement between yourselves does not mean that you have to totally agree with each other on the matter. But it does mean one of you may have to give a bit for the sake of the good of your own home.

There are other areas where you will need to come to a working compromise. The matter of acceptable dress, for example, seems rather trivial compared to the great spiritual issues of conviction, hope, love and holiness, but it can be a source of continual annoyance. Reach a reasonable approach between yourselves. The same is true of reading Yahweh for Lord. Some people don’t mind at all if they do one while their partner does the other. I should think that would be rather rare and you’d be better off agreeing on the point. Of course, you know that Uncle Tom and I feel the New Testament precedent is to translate rather than transliterate the divine names, and we should follow that precedent when reading the Old Testament in English. Yet we’re well aware of the opinions of others and respect a difference on this matter.

Andrew must lead

In approaching any area of disagreement, never forget that God has given the husband the responsibility of leading and nurturing his wife. She is to be in a support role. He is to evaluate various situations and, after considering your input, decide what is best for his family. You will not find this to be always easy but, in the long run, you will be much better off if you build Andrew up and give him confidence to handle his leadership role.

There is something to watch out for, however. If you find that Andrew’s decisions always come down very decidedly on his side of an issue, you may want to reconsider your relationship with him. To be an effective savior of his household, as is the Lord Jesus, Andrew must be sensitive, considerate and humble. But, from what we know of him, I think you have a good man.

You will do a great deal of harm if you indicate when some other brother supports your opinion on a matter. Andrew will see it without your saying anything. The impression created when you point it out is that you respect the other person more than your husband. This can damage his ability to lead your family. Some wives continually undermine their husband and then wonder why he never developed into the family leader they really want.

There may be times when you finally concede to go along on an issue just because of the divinely-appointed family structure. Remembering that you are in agreement on the basics of the Truth, better to do that than undercut what God has ordained.

With love between you and the Truth in common, you should do fine. Just remember to be reasonable and remember the hierarchy ordained by God.

With much love,
Aunt Sarah