Communications

Alcohol Abuse

Dear Bro. Don,

You recently highlighted this prob­lem in the middle pages of the March “Tidings” when a personal testimony of the isolation felt by two brothers was courageously shared.

My own discussions have shown the difficulties and traumas associated with alcohol abuse are just as great as those connected with drugs and other excesses. Secret consumption happens until an explosion occurs, leading to the horror of financial hard­ship, abuse of spouses, neglect of children, concerns over or the loss of employment, followed by the pos­sible, if not near, collapse and ruin of the marriage with the consequent separation of husband, wife and chil­dren.

How do the rest of us cope with this state of affairs?

Reform and (hying out at alcohol clinics or health farms seems probably the best, if not the only, sure way of life returning to normal. But this takes time, the resolve of the affected per­son, support by the spouse and un­derstanding by the arranging brothers/ecclesia, if the problem has reached this far. It would be better if the ecclesia was aware, as social and practical support can be offered by good, kind and sympathetic brothers and sisters.

I would imagine that very few ar­ranging boards and even fewer indi­vidual brethren have any real experience of coping with such matters. Experienced counselors in this spe­cific field must be few and far between. That being the case, what kind and quality of advice and counsel is offered by ecclesias through the arranging boards to those caught in the alcohol trap?

There must be some (like Bre. Pe­ter Baylis and Michael Woodcock) who are going through or have been through the trauma, either success­fully or otherwise. Bro. Don, would it not be helpful if such could be brave enough to share their experiences through the pages of the “Tidings” with the rest of us to help and tell us:

1. If they were an alcohol victim, how reformation was achieved.
2. If they were the spouse of an alcoholic, how they coped during the period of the trial; what support was received and, particularly, what effec­tive advice and support their ecclesia gave. Was it really useful?
3. If they were an arranging board/ ecclesia who has grappled with an alcohol abuse problem, what advice was given and what practical support was provided the affected person and the suffering spouse? Additional, was the ecclesia’s input valued and did it make a real contribution to the heal­ing process? (There’s a need for honesty, especially if other ecclesias and individuals are going to follow the advice).

Thankfully, my own personal ex­perience with the problem is very limited, but that may be due to the chance of circumstance. But it also means that when (if) this problem needs to be tackled, I shall be woefully short of the most helpful advice and sup­port of the kind that those involved really need, and which they know will work. Hence, the need to educate the ignorant and those who lack real ex­perience.

It’s no use pretending to know the answers if we have never seen this problem at first hand. We can all give theoretical and “book” advice, but this is not enough when our beloved brothers and sisters are going through devastating traumas of the kind that wreck lives, and faith.

 Vic Aucott, Nottingham, UK

Without doubt, we are indebted to the two brothers mentioned who had the courage to forthrightly share their experiences. Interestingly, a brother was in the process of writing to pro­test our publishing such material in a fraternal magazine when a like problem arose very close to his own family.

We are prepared to publish help­ful material in this area because the problem is more widespread in the community than we would like to ad­mit. Anonymity of contributors will be maintained if so desired.

Wives of Bible School Speakers

Dear Bro. Don,

Now that the 1998 Bible School year is almost over, there is a con­cern that I would like to make known to the brethren responsible for select­ing speakers. When a speaker is se­lected, the cost of paying the sister-wife’s transportation to the school is, in most cases, the responsibility of the speaker. Often the speaker is young and has a growing family and can ill afford the cost. This means that the speaker has to decide for himself whether to leave his wife at home, or cut costs somewhere else and pay her transportation costs himself. As far as I am concerned this is unreasonable.

A Bible School expects the speaker to give up many quality-time hours with his family in order to provide for quality talks. Then, to add insult to injury, the school expects the speaker to leave his family for at least another week to deliver the talks. I know of some cases where the rationalization for this is that the school cannot afford to bring in a speaker from overseas and also pay the North American speaker’s wife’s transportation. One answer to this problem is to use only North American speakers. If a school needs a “drawing card” to get brothers and sisters to attend, it is time to evaluate our schools and their purpose.

I am not against the use of over­seas speakers, I am against asking brethren from any country to come to our schools alone. There is an in­herent problem with this practice. If I had the say, all speakers would be asked to bring their sister-wife to the school at the expense of the school. If this brings the cost of the school above what the majority of attendees can pay, a supplementary fund should be established.

I think I have said enough to make my point and wonder what you think about this subject.

Your brother in Christ,

Rick Sales, Shelburne, ON

In my opinion, you are completely right. Many Bible schools and other functions do cover the expenses for a sister-wife, and those which do not, should do so if at all possible. Our experience has been that having the wife along more than doubles the real effectiveness of the visit. Sisters, particularly, often feel more comfortable chatting with a visiting sister and seeking from her guidance regarding life’s day-to-day problems. Good formal addresses are essential to the spiritual health of our community, but many a time important comments come in the course of private conver­sation in which a sister can greatly contribute. Moreover, the compan­ionship of one wife makes a long trip away from home more enjoyable and less lonely.

In past years we have commented on the long-term advantage of using North American brethren as our invited speakers. There seems to be a growing trend in this direction which should be healthy for the ecclesias. As you note, we can put too much emphasis on “who” is speaking to the detriment of accomplishing real good among those attending.