Dear Brethren and Sisters:
I have read Sis. R.M.’ s letter (“Tidings,”August, 1989 , pg.214)with deep distress, to put it mildly. Surely nothing short of the most outrageous circumstances, would justify a brother in Christ leaving the wife of his youth and five young children. Unfortunately, this is not a unique case among us.
What is happening in our community to the institution of marriage? What gross selfishness would motivate a man to leave his family for a new romance? Where is a sense of responsibility and commitment to the marriage vows and the covenant that was entered into on the day of one’ s marriage? What makes one think that once he has a wife, not to mention a houseful of children, that his life is any longer his own to do with it as he pleases? Should we abandon ourselves to the irresponsibility and instability of the world and treat marriage as a trifling relationship to be discarded if it falls short of our expectations?
As was mentioned in the editor’s response last month, this marriage breakdown didn’t happen overnight. And this is the point I would like to address. Responsible ecclesial members can no longer hide their heads in the sand to the marital and domestic problems of their brethren and sisters. Pressures in the home and at the workplace are great and our married couples are not immune to domestic troubles and even infidelity.
Today, it is very important for mature members to be on the lookout for the welfare of our youth and young marrieds in the ecclesia. So often we don’t want to get involved in messy family problems. But do we really have the option to refuse to take some kind of initiative if we see a marriage foundering and in desperate need of some kind of helping hand?
What about the sister who sits crying at meeting most Sundays? Everyone knows her marriage is in trouble. Do we rush past her and try to avoid her glance or do we offer her a listening ear which may offer a great deal of help?
We may feel our own life is so full of problems that we can’t take on anything more. Sometimes, however, by becoming involved in the burden of another person, our own worries and trials can be viewed in a new perspective. We find we can actually sort out some of our own problems by attempting to offer solutions to the other person.
One major barrier to offering help is that the person in trouble is often ashamed and embarrassed to reveal his or her problems. One lives in hope that the agonies of a marriage gone awry will somehow self heal. But usually, without some outside help, the chances of this happening are remote. Then, when some help is finally sought, the marriage is in such deep trouble, it is irremediable. It is better to seek help at the onset of a serious problem. Through wise counseling, much effort and fervent prayer an early initiative may achieve reconciliation and a restoration to happier days.
It might be argued that we are a small community, and that by revealing a problem to someone, it will immediately become public news. It is true that news travels fast among Christadelphians. This is not all bad as it does reflect we truly love and care for one another and delight to hear the latest news.
Now, however, we are talking about a serious matter. Surely there are among us mature brethren and sisters of spiritual and scriptural depth who can be confided in as trustworthy and competent to counsel. We must have a core of this genre of Christadelphian in each ecclesia. Caring, concerned brethren and sisters must be on the alert to spot problems and involve themselves in the pastoral work of strengthening the weak hands and healing the brokenhearted.
Sis.R.M. and those like her require a great deal of family support. But the ecclesia can’t leave it all to the forsaken brother or sister’ s family. They may not even be in the Truth or may not know how to help. An abandoned sister needs phone calls, invitations to dinners and support for her children to attend ecclesial functions. Local families can invite the children who are bereft of a father to spend occasional weekends with youngsters their own age. This helps the children enjoy themselves while experiencing life in a united household.
Older sisters are exhorted to be teachers of good things. They are directed to teach the young women to be wise and to love their husbands and children. This is not a one-time responsibility but should be an ongoing ministration using every opportunity to instill godly principles. Bible classes, sister’s class and phone conversations are just a few examples of how older members can nurture younger ones. We are our brother’s keepers. “Brethren, i f a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Look to yourselves lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’ s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Gal. 6:1,2 RSV)
One of the most effective ways of teaching is by our example. Titus is told, “Show yourself in all respects a model of good deeds.” (Titus 2:7) Timothy is reminded to “set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” (I Tim. 4:12) Peter enjoins, “Feed the flock of God that is your charge, not by constraint but willingly, not for shameful gain but eagerly, not as domineering over those in your charge but being examples to the flock.” (I Peter 5:2,3)
Our ultimate example is the Lord Jesus Christ. As the good shepherd, he laid down his own life to save his sheep. Are we willing to give just a little time to help save a sheep who is wandering away and getting lost?
After washing the disciple’ s feet, Jesus asked, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and teacher have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’ s feet. For I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you.” (John 13:13-15)
We cannot live in a dream world and assume all is well in our ecclesia. We cannot wait for problems to drop into our laps. Marriage breakdowns are epidemic in our society and the ecclesias are obviously being touched by the plague. Spiritually mature brethren and sisters must watch over the flock. With all diligence, they must learn to identify those who are struggling with serious trouble and must be willing to help in anyway possible. May God help us to, “Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.”
With love in our Lord,
A Mother in Israel
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One