As human beings, you and I are all about relationships. This should come as no surprise since our Heavenly Father, in whose image we are made, is all about relationships. So much so that for all the wonderful things He created in 5 days of handy work, He thought to Himself there was still something missing so He created someone He could call a son (Luke 3:38). Not surprisingly, since Adam was created in God’s image, God saw that he too was in need of companionship, hence He made him a wife (Gen 2:18). Basically, not much has changed in 6000 years and 200ish generations. We are still all about relationships! From Genesis to Revelation we discover there is every kind of relationship imaginable, from the wonderful example of Abraham and Sarah as heirs together of the grace of life, to Abigail and Nabal who is so foolish, we cringe just reading about him!
The hallmark of a successful relationship is when two people are growing closer to God and in the process growing closer to each other — just as two arrows flying towards the same target inevitably meet. At any point before or during a relationship, when one or both people stop striving for this model, heartache will eventually result. Turn to God, the inventor of relationships, for advice before the hurt happens. This simile is true of all relationships — friendships, parent and child, brother and sister, as well as romantic relationships. For the sake of being brief, romantic relationships will be the prime example used.
The Bible is full of advice on what a relationship between a man and a woman should look like: in terms of examples (Abraham and Sarah), types (Christ and the Ecclesia), and explicit verses (1 Pet 3:7, Eph 5:22-25, Col 3:18-19). Just as all of the law and the prophets hang on a two part golden rule, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,” and “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matt 22:36-40); so does all of the Biblical teaching on relationships hang on God’s reason for creating woman — “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen 2:18). God has never modified His intention; in fact everything the Bible subsequently has to say on the matter is an effort to guide us to harmonizing our lives with what He originally intended. The litmus test of a relationship for a Godly man then, is the question “Is the woman I am with (or want to be with) a help towards Godly living?” and likewise for a Godly woman to ask “Does the man I am with (or want to be with) appreciate the help towards Godly living I am offering?” If the answer to either of these questions is “No”, our lives are out of step with God’s intentions, and we are candidates for heartache.
Some questions a Godly man can ask himself are:
- “Does being with her help or distract me from the readings every day?”
- “Does she help me develop self-control, or is she the temptress in my life?”
- “Does she have an interest in spiritual things that helps me in my existing Bible studies?”
- “Will she help me live within my means, or will she always be wanting more?”
- “Does she help with my commitment to those who God has graciously put in my care, or does our time as a couple come at their expense?”
Some questions a Godly woman can ask herself are:
- “When I help encourage us to do the daily readings is it welcomed, or met with indifference and/or opposition such that I feel like I am the one having to lead us spiritually?”
- “Does he appreciate the help of having physical boundaries, or is there constant pressure to go beyond them?”
- “Do my own Bible studies help compliment his, or are they a substitute for them?”
- “Is my help in the ecclesia appreciated?”
- “Is this man a Christ-like leader that I can help, or am I often, not just helping, but leading in the absence of his Godly leadership to set physical boundaries, learn of God’s ways, and serve others?”
Above all else make relationships a matter or prayer. Out of all the major decisions of life this is especially true in this case, since you can choose for yourself to be transformed (Rom 12:2); but you cannot choose for the person you are already with to be transformed! You can only pray that God will lead you to someone who likewise wants to be transformed, or alternatively have it put in their heart to want to experience the transformation of His Word. Either way, by definition the free choice of the person you care about is something you cannot force, so one is left to rely on the power of God to do what is impossible with man (Matt 19:26).
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One