Colossians 3 speaks in glowing terms of our fellowship in the Truth. Our relationships with brothers and sisters are to be characterized by mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love. Peace is to rule; we are to be thankful and honest; we are to teach and admonish one another in the name of Christ; we are to sing with grace in our hearts to the Lord, giving thanks to God through Christ. It sounds like we should have an ideal environment — one for which we all yearn.
In reality, however, present-day life in Christ is characterized by joyous, but also difficult, times as we try to replace natural feelings with spiritual values.
What reality sounds like
Following are some real-life conversations with fellow-disciples.
“The same people greet me each Sunday. Some people come into the hall with such a black look that I’m afraid to speak to them.”
“I’m alone all through the week and every evening. It would be lovely to have someone visit and do the readings.”
“I’m a single parent. I’d love to have other adult company occasionally just to share things with.”
“I’m facing a devastating experience that most in the ecclesia know about but hardly anyone will speak to me about it. I just need some reassurance that people care.”
“We have a critically ill child. I call home every day to see if any encouraging letters or cards have come in the mail. It’s all that keeps me going.”
“I have a problem that! can’t even share with anyone. It’s obvious that I’m in trouble. I need to know that others are praying for me.”
“I’m a newcomer here. Sometimes I just miss my family so much and fear that I don’t belong.”
“I go to meeting. I know I don’t look happy and I’m carrying all my problems with me, but often I just feel ignored.”
“Daily life is a struggle for me. My partner isn’t a Christadelphian and my children are very unruly. It seems as if none of my brothers and sisters have problems. They always encourage me to ‘look on the bright side’ and ‘have faith’ but I wonder if any of them really understand or sympathize?”
Coping with reality
Does this sound familiar? Have you heard or voiced similar feelings? How can we deal with such concerns — either in our own lives or as we attempt to help others?
God has provided a means for us to cope with life’s problems in a healthy and constructive way. Summarized they are: read, pray, seek counsel communicate. First we need to do our Bible readings. How can we give scriptural counsel if we don’t know what the Scriptures say? God’s Word is able to build us up and give us an inheritance with the saints. We need to read, looking for help for our current problems. The Bible gives positive and negative descriptions of each problem and its solution. It’s up to us to find them. Calamity overtakes one suddenly — we need to prepare for it before the day comes. Mental orientation to suffering is built up over a long period of seeing God’s hand at work.
We need to pray for each other. Faced with the most devastating situation, sometimes our only strength comes from knowing that faithful brothers and sisters are praying for us. Many have been encouraged by the faithful prayers of others on their behalf.
We need to seek counsel of others. Elizabeth was a sister to whom Mary could turn when faced by a dramatic intervention by God in her life. We need to experience fellowship frequently. One disciple writes: “Throughout most of time and in many cultures still today, women spent time in the company of women every day. They would have developed deep bonds, providing encouragement and support. Many of us lack that in our current environment. When that resource is tapped there can be great results. We have seen it in our own ecclesia and rejoiced.”
We need to communicate. Relationships with brothers and sisters should be characterized by friendliness, openness, honesty, compassion, and sincerity. Sharing problems, experiences, insights, and empathy with one another helps us feel less alone, more able to cope.
Encouraging communication
We need to smile, greeting our brothers and sisters regularly and warmly, not just our immediate family members. We need to let people into our lives by making brothers and sisters feel welcome in our homes at any time as part of our normal activity. We shouldn’t feel that we have to “clean up” and “be on our best behaviour.” If we present a façade at meeting and are someone else at home, we have a problem. Paul tells us not to “lie to another seeing we have put off the old man with his deeds.” Be realistic, talk with others about our problems and how to cope with them. This is the essence of “bearing one another’s burdens and fulfilling the law of Christ” and “confessing your faults to one another so that we might be healed.” Close acquaintances can hold up a mirror so that we can see how our behaviour appears to and affects others. If we choose good company it acts as a constraint on bad behaviour and makes us accountable to others.
A personal checklist
I made a checklist for myself I would try to evaluate my conduct at meeting during the week and on special occasions.
On Sundays who did I talk to, invite home, sit beside? What did I talk about? Was it those I felt most comfortable with, or whose company I would enjoy? Did I look around for the person standing alone or the one who looked unapproachable? Did I make an effort to develop relationships with the young people? Did I greet everyone warmly or just those whom I knew would reciprocate? Were there ecclesial members who I regularly passed over, felt uncomfortable with, or if I did talk to them, was I anxious to move on and didn’t give them my full attention? Did I ever devote that whole day to serving the Lord and His brothers and sisters?
And what happened during the week? Was I glad to forget about my brothers and sisters as soon as Sunday was over? Did I bother to call anyone on Monday morning or was I just anxious to get about my chores? Did I think of keeping in touch during the week or was I caught up in my own schedule? Did I ever pop in for a coffee and do the readings with a shut in? Did I take opportunities of quiet time to write a note or make a call to someone in need? Did I think to pray for others as I went about my daily work?
What about special times in my life? Weekends, vacation times — did I just want to make it easier for myself? Did I want to spend time just with my family or did I think about including anyone else? Did I make a point when on vacation of visiting isolated brothers and sisters? Did I ever think about asking someone else along or did I see this as my personal time? Was my Thanksgiving table just a family group or an ecclesial family group?
And in all of this, how willing was I? We know “the Lord loves a cheerful giver,” but did I feel put upon, pressed and burdened in His service? If I didn’t actively complain did I make a point of letting everyone know how much I was doing?
There is great value in making an ecclesia our spiritual family. If our children genuinely feel that their ecclesial “uncles” and “aunts” are part of their lives they can benefit from their input and use them as resources in time of need. Jesus said that whoever does His Father’s will is part of His family and that whoever leaves a natural family for the sake of the Gospel will receive families a hundred-fold in this day and in the day to come, everlasting life.
We need to be approachable, loyal, a good listener, patient, and loving with each other. We should keep confidences to ourselves. We need to believe in the best, to help in practical ways. We need to say the right things and model Christ-likeness in our lives. We can encourage one another to persevere and strengthen one another’s faith by our words and example.
Jesus said, “Inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these my brethren you have done it to me.” The humblest brother or sister is also one for whom Christ died. We will be judged by the Lord Jesus on our relationships within the Christ-body — are we prepared?
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One