Suppose as someone m his early twenties, discontented and disillusioned with life, feeling a sense of self-inadequacy and pointlessness to life, I was prime material to become involved m the “drug scene” of the seventies Most of my contemporaries on the drug scene shared this mentality, because there was no point in life and because of its unpleasantness, we wanted no part m it, so “let’s eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die,” and that’s the end of it Drug addicts and “junkies” would become known as “drop-outs” from society, which indeed we were.
Cannabis, LSD, etc.
My first experience of taking drugs was with cannabis [derived from the hemp plant, as is marijuana], which one smoked, ate or made into cakes It acted upon the central nervous system, making one laugh and also making one very lazy, it distorted vision, physically and mentally.
Invariably, where one obtained cannabis, there were also other drugs to be found, and I progressed very quickly from cannabis to what was described as a “complementary” drug – LSD LSD is a very powerful hallucinogenic and it was said that, once you had experimented with it, you would never be the same again Here was a drug that would irrevocably alter your way of thinking I had one very frightening experience on it, after which I never took it again.
Barbiturates were very commonly used drugs and I soon began to take them They had the effect of making one feel very drunk, often aggressive and thoroughly unpleasant A barbiturate was the first drug which I injected, causing many abscesses and thromboses I lost a number of friends who died either from barbiturate poisoning or through vomiting while asleep (asphyxiation).
To counteract the drowsiness caused by the barbiturate, one would also take amphetamines (speed), a stimulant which would enable one to stay awake for great lengths of tune Amphetamines induced a feeling of euphoria, making one very talkative I have seen many people mentally destroyed through prolonged use of amphetamines as they were reduced to a paranoid, gibbering wreck of a person This drug was very popular, however, and, although I used amphetamines a lot, I was fortunate in that I incurred no lasting side effects or recrudescent flashbacks.
The hard stuff
I knew that one day I would come into contact with heroin and cocaine I did and began to dabble with that too, not every day, but just occasionally, because the black market for heroin had been rendered virtually non-existent by the policy which drug clinics had adopted It went like this anyone with a drug problem would go to one of these clinics and, as long as they were prepared to disclose where they were getting their drugs, the clinic would legally take over supplying those drugs while identifying the pusher to the police That effectively killed the black market.
One does not become addicted to heroin overnight It takes about three weeks of regular use to become physically addicted Psychological addiction, however, can set in very quickly and, in my case, once tried, it was almost inevitable that I would end up hopelessly addicted Because of the scarcity of heroin m those days, I decided that I would break into a chemist’s shop and get it for myself (At that time, chemists stocked quantities of heroin, morphine, cocaine, etc ) The amount of heroin, morphine and cocaine I took would last me six weeks using quite a lot each day
The drugs take control
Having four or five injections a day, I still regarded myself as a drug dilettante, not a drug addict with a problem out of control Drug problem? I hadn’t a drug problem’ Such was my attitude. Yet I recall waking up the morning after the stuff had run out and thinking to myself, “I’ll get some more later” As the day wore on, I began to experience stomach pains, sweats, running nose, running eyes and diarrhea My mouth became dry, I felt hot and cold at the same time My sense of smell became more acute and I became aware of a sickly smell coming from myself My whole body became as taut as a bowstring, nerves ready to snap One “fix,” and all that disappeared.
I realized then that I had a “habit” Things would now become serious I was no longer using the drugs, the drugs were using me I had lost control, the drugs had gamed it Totally at their mercy, I would be at their beck and call night and day.
Five chemists later, the drugs would see me sent to prison for 18 months Coming from that, I would continue breaking into chemist’s and received a four-year sentence.
I won’t go into the gory details of what using a needle did to my body, nor the heartache and suffering I caused to those who loved me (particularly my family) Suffice it to say that it was quite horrendous.
The crisis point
After prolonged use of the drugs, they began to lose their efficacy and I found that the wall of the opiate-woven cocoon began to fall apart This drug-induced refuge was no longer there, and I was faced with that from which I had been seeking to hide – reality and self Most, if not all, surviving addicts sooner or later reach this climactic point in their life and when they do, one of two things will likely happen 1) they come off drugs completely or 2) they commit suicide.
When I reached this point, I certainly contemplated suicide A life without the escapism drugs afforded was something I could not come to terms with, for me it didn’t bear thinking about Death would be preferable.
In this suicidally resigned, morose state of mind, I happened (does anything just “happen” to those whom God calls?) to meet someone with whom I fell in love This particular person, thought not a Christian herself, would be encouraged to go to Christadelphian meetings by a friend of hers and, just to please my girl friend, I would go along Now I didn’t know anything about the Bible at all – I had never read any of it I was going to the Bible talks to please her and for no other reason I would listen to the talks out of politeness if nothing else, but I didn’t really grasp much of what was said Yet the little I did grasp made a lot of sense and I began to feel there was something here worthwhile I found myself beginning to look forward to the Sunday evening talks
The impact of the cross of Christ
I think I had been going to the talks for about three months, and also read-mg the Bible for myself, when I decided one evening, while alone in the flat, to really try to understand the Bible teaching regarding the crucifixion It was an evening which would change my whole life.
I can only describe what happened that evening as a “Damascus road” experience, and! remember trembling and shaking with the awesome revelation which God gave me through His word Words are inadequate to describe the experience, but it was something which profoundly affected me – something from which I would never be able to walk away I had found something that would eventually become so precious to me that I would be able to count everything else in life as “dung” compared with it My need for drugs, though still a bit of a problem at first, would, as the value of God’s gospel increased in my life and as my understanding of God’s love grew, become swallowed up and disappear in my response of love to the love of God.
Some people might say that, because I had reached such a low point m my life, I was ready to grasp anything which offered a way out Such reasoning is common to those who do not believe, but the truth of the matter is that, before one is able to recognize one’s need for God, one has to be brought to one’s knees, or broken As Jesus says, “he who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but when it falls on anyone, it will crush him” (Matt 21 44) As m my case, sometimes there is no other way.
Preserved from death
Something which happened to me in my days on the drug scene has remained in my mind I had taken an overdose of barbiturates which left me in a coma four days, and my heart stopped twice I was m the Intensive Care Unit for almost two weeks and, when I was discharged into the custody of the West Midlands Drug Squad, the Officer in Charge said to me, “Someone up there is watching over you – you should be dead”
Before I had begun to seek Him, He was very close by.
How much closer He is when we do seek Him – “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jer 29 13 RSV)
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One