The Ancient Greeks had three distinct words to describe love:
1) Eros:
This refers to the basically sensual attraction individuals may have for the opposite sex, such as a man would have for his wife. It is highly emotional and fluid in nature as the emphasis is on outward appearance, such as shape of the body, beauty of the face, style of speech, and even popularity and charisma of the personality.
An extreme stage of this kind of love is called infatuation, where one or both parties are so engrossed with the other that day-dreaming forms part of everyday behaviour. Eros is the kind of love that is usually mistaken for true love, generally by the younger generation, and is readily portrayed in popular music and romantic literature such as novels. This daily diet of ‘cloud 9’ fed through the media is largely responsible for a lot of early expectations ending up in disillusionment and heartache. Too often, when young people refer to their love as being ‘strong’ they really mean that their eros is at a heightened level, which ironically places the relationship in an even more precarious position.
Though mild eros is an acceptable feature of romance, standing by itself it is not a reliable basis for forming lasting relationships. It is basically selfish and concentrates on what one is ‘getting’ out of the relationship rather than giving. It is a case of “me, me, me first.” With this attitude, even sex itself becomes a battleground. If this is all one party feels for the other, then the relationship is not yet at the serious stage and commitment should be withheld until a subsequent and more stable bond has developed.
2) Philios:
This means fraternal or brotherly love. This is what one feels for a brother or sister or ‘buddies.’ It is evident in loving families and other close friendships. Philios is characterized by an exchange of favours, sharing of thoughts and ideas, and regular companionship.
It is an indispensable stage of romantic relationships if the parties desire to take such to a serious level as marriage. In other words, husbands and wives must first and foremost be each other’s best friends.
3) Agape
This is the highest and noblest form of love. The best possible description of it is found in the Bible in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13. It is the type of love a good mother or father would have for their offspring and is characterized more by action than by feeling. In other words, even if you are in a bad mood or you do not particularly ‘like’ someone, agape love will cause you to do good still. Even if that person has done you wrong, you will be eager to forgive and start anew because each party’s main concern is the welfare of the other. It is a self-sacrificing form of love, as when one gives up something of value, be it time or money, so that the other may have a valid need fulfilled.
One reason many marriages fail is due to the absence of this kind of love. Indeed, without agape love, it is only a matter of time before a relationship wavers and even collapses under the unavoidable stress points of everyday living. At this sad stage, some relationships are merely tolerated to avoid the embarrassment or loss that could follow a complete separation. Partners are all too easily offended and are bent on getting ‘even’ before their anger subsides. Some take advantage of the weakness or kindness of others. That is not love at all. Agape love is the kind of love God demonstrated for a perishing world by offering His only begotten Son (John 3:16). It is the kind of love Christ showed by voluntarily laying down his life as a sacrifice for sin and forgave his tormentors in advance when he was able to utter — “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Therefore, it may be concluded that love (eros) which thrives only on physical attraction and beauty is superficial and walking a tight rope over a precipice, i.e. exciting, but precarious.
The sweetest and most enduring love (agape) thrives on concern for each other’s welfare, especially when crises are jointly faced and overcome by mutual encouragement and faith in the same principles. There is a faithful old saying:
“A true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you just the same.”
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One