“Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings” (Rom 16:16).
“Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ” (1 Pet 5:14).
Introduction
Paul closes four of his epistles (Romans, 1st and 2nd Corinthians and 1st Thessalonians) with the same phrase “Greet one another with an holy kiss”. (Quite why Romans in the KJV has “salute” instead of “greet” I do not know: the Greek is the same.) And Peter closes his first epistle with a similar phrase, as noted above. So five times we are directed how to greet one another, but in a way that is somewhat rare, although not unknown, in our midst. So how are we to treat this injunction of Paul? As a reflection of an Eastern custom that has no equivalent in our day? As a command that ought to be followed: and if so, how and when?
Background
The Greek for “kiss” here is “philema,” derived from “phileo”, which is one of the two Greek words translated by love in the NT. The word “love” in 1st Peter is the other word: “agape” in the Greek. In the Septuagint, the Old Testament used by the recipients of Paul’s letters, the same Greek word is again commonly used for kiss. In the Bible, a kiss is commonly bestowed:
- On children by close relatives, and vice versa
- On spouses and others with an erotic or sexual implication
- As a sign of friendship between males
- As a sign of respect
So, as is the custom in the English speaking world, the only time adults of the opposite sex exchanges kisses in the OT was with some sort of sexual context. Although males exchange kisses, it is between relatives, close friends, or servant-master.
It is interesting that in the Greek Old Testament, the word for “kiss” is the Greek word phileo, or based upon it. This is true whether or not the kiss has a sexual connotation, for example in “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine” (Song 1:2). This use of phileo is perhaps somewhat similar to that of the English word “love.” The meaning of this word depends greatly on the context: the love of a man for his wife differs greatly from the love of a dog for his owner, or, to use a somewhat profane example, the love of a sports fan for his team. It all depends on the context. A kiss in the Old Testament can be overtly sexual: or it can be a symbol of asexual friendship or respect.
The Holy Kiss as a commandment
Is the use of the “Holy Kiss” a direct commandment, in the same way we regard baptism and the memorial service? A few denominations do so regard it, but for most it has become classified along with fasting and foot washing, as a custom which is commanded to be treated as and when appropriate in our times. Feet washing, in a dusty country with a sandal the normal footwear, was as one of the most menial of all the offices that one person could perform towards another. As such it was selected by the Lord in illustration of that lesson of entire humility which he sought to teach his disciples. And fasting was never a direct commandment: its applicability to ourselves has been considered before.1In common with many such New Testament proscriptions, the “Holy Kiss” is a symbol we should regard, should observe, but its mode of observance will conform to the social environment in which we live.
The Holy Kiss
When Paul exhorted the members of the infant church to greet one another with a holy kiss his emphasis was upon the “holy”. Kissing was, in his day, the customary form of greeting between members of the same sex, and he commended it to the Christian community as the symbol of “brotherly” love. In most of the English speaking Christadelphian communities, a handshake at least used to be the usual greeting and it can, for the community of Christ, carry with it the warmth of brotherliness or sisterliness. There is no Scriptural reason why, if they prefer it, the sisters should not observe the same custom as the brethren, though it may be felt by some that a kiss is more sisterly.
Among especially the young, the hug has replaced any other form of salutation, and it is nice to see the young exchanging such greetings quite commonly, both female to female and, among those of close acquaintance, between both sexes. I have been the recipient of such welcoming hugs: of which more anon.
If you travel to France, you can perhaps see what is perhaps intended by the custom of the holy kiss, as acquaintances, close or not so close, exchange air kisses. (Although I could never work out how many kisses, and which side to start.)
It is of note that in the early church this “Holy Kiss” was exchanged after the memorial service, and the kiss was actually on the lips — but strictly brother to brother, sister to sister. Whether this is true in the times of Paul we cannot be certain, but there was great care taken to strip the gesture of any possible misunderstanding.
The symbol of the Holy Kiss is crucial to remember: it is most important that we are aware of this physical closeness in our hearts. There is a great danger that we formally greet our brethren and sisters without being truly concerned about their welfare. For example, we may greet them, ask them how they are, and then move off before they have answered us. We should be concerned about both their natural and their spiritual welfare. We should be aware, by becoming physically close, that we grow in spiritual closeness also, and this is the main point of the rite.
Present day application
The principle of the “Holy Kiss” is very clear: all are to extend a warm greeting to each other. The form of greeting might (and often should) be different between the sexes, among the young versus the old, and in different cultures around the world. The exuberance of the Caribbean is different from in the Northeast of America, which again differs from California. Some might exchange a warm hand-shake, some might exchange a hug, and some might exchange some form of kiss, whether a European air-kiss or a kiss on the cheek. But the effect is the same: some sort of physical contact gives a stronger sense of bonding, of true spiritual friendship, than a verbal exchange can. Fellowship is not merely the common sharing of the emblems, but it is a striving together in the common sense of unity, of community, of the sharing in the bonds of Christ. “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching” (Heb 10:25). Assembling is not just a random assembly of disconnected individuals, but a vital part of the body of Christ. It is not homogeneous by any means, but it should be interconnected. As Paul says “For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ” (1 Cor 12:12). The “body” is an interconnected whole, and the connections should not consist of merely inhabiting the same space, but of connections on a far deeper spiritual plane. This is strengthened by what is represented by the “Holy Kiss.” Any sort of physical touch greatly strengthens the connections.
There is however one aspect of the physical contact that should be mentioned, unfortunately. There have been quite a number of occasions in which the commandment for the “Holy Kiss” has been used in ways that, perhaps unintentionally, have given rise to a great deal of discomfort. Often it is young sisters being welcomed too warmly by certain brothers — so much so as to make avoidance the response. It is no accident that the early church confined the practice to between members of the same sex. In general, brothers should be prepared to accept some sort of contact from sisters, but not to offer it. Only if the contact is very clearly welcomed should it be repeated. In our present society, sexual harassment is a significant problem. No brother, however well respected (and it is often such brethren who are involved) should behave in such a way as to give rise to the least suspicion of any action that might cause discomfort. Appropriate contact strengthens the bonds of fellowship. Inappropriate contact does the opposite.
The “Holy Kiss” is intended to strengthen the bonds between fellow believers, and should never be used in such a way as to cause any suspicion or occasion for discomfort.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One