As disciples of the Lord Jesus, we learn from him how to deal with life’s problems. Two major Bible passages provide his instructions on how we should handle the difficult situation of forgiveness. In the first case, your brother has something against you; in the second case, you have something against him. In either situation, Jesus instructs that you are the one who should make the first move.
You have sinned
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23 RSV).
You have been sinned against
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector” (Matt. 18:15 RSV).
The procedures are given
In these two passages, Jesus provides to his followers a fully workable system to be used when differences occur between themselves and other disciples. Here is not just good advice; here are commandments for us.
Highest priority
Forgiveness is the basis of salvation and is a divine requirement — not a free choice. When God forgives, He assures us that our sin is wholly covered. If we are somehow not convinced of the reality of this promise, then we have much to learn about the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father.
In our “old life,” forgiveness, no doubt, held a low priority. Consequently, we had little experience in practicing it. In the “new life” in Christ, however, we are allowed no such behavior. Forgiveness lists high on God’s scale for the believer who must be alert at all times for signs that he has offended one for whom Christ died. If we fail to approach our brother and seek forgiveness, the offense may continue and the sin be unforgiven.
Please forgive me
Among the most powerful words in our vocabulary are, “Please forgive me!” An expression of brotherly love, they begin a process of healing and restitution toward the one who hears them. And most wonderful of all, they please our Heavenly Father.
“Please forgive me” immediately lowers the barriers and alters the minds of both parties, clearing the way for resolution and further understanding. Forgiving eliminates the problem, so that it can be dealt with as God does. It is not just going back to how things were before, but going forward to even greater friendships and cooperation.
Recognize your own guilt
Being a child of God brings with it an obligation to discern our own part in the problem. Jesus spoke about the ridiculous plank in your own eye, and the hopeless difficulty of seeing clearly enough to correct someone else’s fault. One of life’s most fearsome tasks is to remove yourself from the safety of your own protective shell and open up to someone else, especially if there is guilt between you.
We have little difficulty picturing David asking for forgiveness from Bathsheba for his sin. We know his contrition before God, “I acknowledged my sin to thee, and I did not hide my iniquity” (Psa. 32:5). He must surely have done the same with the woman he took for a wife. And we can readily imagine him cradling an ailing baby tenderly in his arms, peering tearfully into the innocent face and whispering, “Please, forgive me.”
I forgive you
While seeking forgiveness is done from the position of guilt and contrition, the other side of the coin, “I forgive you,” is quite different. It might seem to come from an attitude of superiority and can be much more difficult to handle. A humble meeting of two minds is imperative: “Because I am saying ‘I forgive you’ does not mean that I am deliberately casting you in the role of offender, but rather that I am seeking to resolve a disagreement, a misunderstanding.”
Under all situations of this sort, great care must be taken in settling the matter. When two believers are able to achieve this goal, then the joy of forgiveness can be fully savored by each one; a new stage of relationship is reached leading to mutual growth in Christ.
If you can say from a heart that has been hurt, “I forgive you” to one who has sorely offended, then you are emulating the example of our Lord. “I forgive you” is more than merely enunciating the words; there is a “giving” in forgiveness.
Jesus, as he hung dying on the cross, looked down upon the clamoring crowd with compassion. Had they not been misled by their leaders? Were they not really looking for their Messiah? Here he was, hanging on the cross. Pity filled him and he cried, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” It takes as much humility to forgive as to ask forgiveness.
Humility in forgiving
To help us face the task of approaching someone and stating bluntly, “I forgive you,” let’s listen to the wisdom of Jesus. “Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17:5).
Paul, too, well aware of the forgiveness extended to him by Christ, continuously exhorted about forgiveness: “…Forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col. 3:13).
The lessons are clear and the examples numerous; if forgiveness is extended, and also received, ecclesial life is healthier and its work more effective. Let us not overlook the fact that we must forgive if we expect to be forgiven by God. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One