Not long ago I had the chance to share my thoughts about coping with my brother’s recent brain injury during a presentation he was giving. Self-expression has never come easily to me, and I found this task to be challenging, but also rewarding. There is always a feeling of release in sorting out what is in your mind and putting it on paper. Afterward I was asked if I would be willing to share those same thoughts through the Tidings magazine. Although it’s a bit frightening to open myself up to so many people, it is worth it if this can be an encouragement to others in some way.
I am a naturally contented person, and have always felt enormously blessed in the things that I have. Before Grant’s accident, I really felt as if I were floating through life. My family was loving and supportive; I had a wonderful husband, a house, a good job, all that I needed. Despite being a ceaseless worrier, I never really thought that something could happen that would turn my entire life upside down. Then came the phone call late on a Thursday night, and Mom told me that Grant was unconscious in a hospital in Canada. Suddenly all the little worries and thoughts my head had been filled with, about school, housework and so on, were replaced by one all-consuming thought: that God would let Grant be okay.
As we traveled to London, Ontario, and heard the grim prognosis from the doctors, my prayers became more and more intense, while at the same time I found myself thinking about my life, and whether God would even listen to me. Had I even taken the time to build a strong relationship with Him before this? How repetitive and habitual had my prayers become over the years? How often had I spoken about God to friends, or went above and beyond the call of duty at meeting to help out with what needed doing? I wanted to promise God that if He would save Grant, I would be better, be perfect, not waste time on useless pursuits any more. But I knew that I couldn’t make that promise, because I would ultimately fail to fulfill it. So instead, I begged for God’s mercy, knowing that so many others in our situation have done the same, many others who were far more dedicated to God than I, but some of them still had to face the pain of losing a loved one.
I still don’t know the purpose of Grant’s accident, or the purpose God had in saving him, but knowing that He has a plan for our lives has helped me through it. Whatever His purpose, I have decided that I should try to learn something from the trouble that comes into my life, so that I can make some good come from it. For me, the lesson here is to make good use of the time that we have, and to try and cut back the time spent on activities that aren’t beneficial. I’ve tried to find ways to get my head into God’s Word more often, to turn more of my leisure time projects into gifts that can encourage others, to step up more at the ecclesia, to volunteer my time, to spend more time visiting with brothers and sisters. Of course, I still find myself frequently sliding into my usual habits of time wasting, but watching Grant and others who are facing enormous challenges in their lives is a reminder to renew my commitment to doing good with my life, not just to avoid doing wrong.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One