“How was the weekend?” “It was pretty good, but, you know, they are just not friendly down there. They group together in their own little cliques.”
We were amazed. We’ve visited that area and know the brethren to be dedicated to the Truth, earnest in Bible study and generous with their time. As we talked about the matter, we realized that many of them would not cross the room to say hello. And they would tend to converse in little groups among themselves, leaving a visitor standing alone. If a person was not outgoing, he could indeed feel excluded.
After further reflection, we suspect the problem is not one of commitment to Christ. The problem is not realizing that being friendly is an aspect of discipleship.
Phileo love
The great New Testament verb for “love” is the Greek word agapao with the associated noun, agape. Agape love expresses an attitude that is willing to sacrifice self for the benefit of others; this is divine love. The concept is so foreign to human thinking that there was no Greek word to adequately convey the though. Consequently the word for charity was taken, enriched and elevated to a whole new level of meaning.
Along side of this great concept, phileo love may seem to pale in significance, for it refers to friendly affection which exists among non-believers as well as servants of God. According to Liddell-Scott Greek Lexicon, phileo means “to love, to treat affectionately, to welcome, to befriend.” The associated nouns are philia, “love, friendship” and philos, “friend.” The connected adjective is philios, “friendly, kindly.”
Phileo is used as the prefix in a wide range of compound words: Philadelphia, “love of the brethren:” philanthropia, “love of mankind:” philarguria, “love of silver:” philotheos, “lover of God;” philosophia, “love of wisdom:” etc.
While phileo is not stressed as an attribute of God, it is nevertheless part of the divine character and an attribute we must develop. The Heavenly Father “loves” (phileo) the Son and the faithful (John 5:20, 16:27). If we are obedient, we are the friends (philos) of Christ (John 15:14-15). To be acceptable we must love (phileo) the Lord Jesus (I Cor. 16:22). And we must have phileo love for the brethren.
A command
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love” (Rom. 12:10). Phileo occurs twice in this phrase: “brotherly love” is from Philadelphia, “love of brethren:” “kindly affectioned” is from philo-storgos. Storgos speaks of “the natural affection of parents and children” (L-S).
Brethren and sisters in Christ are to have a family-type affection for one another. In a properly functioning family, members who have not seen each other for a few days greet each other warmly. If they come across one another unexpectedly on the street or in a store, they call a warm “hello” and chat awhile. Even awkward people feel welcome and included when in the presence of family affection. This is the kind of affectionate atmosphere that is to prevail among those in Christ.
“Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers…” (Heb. 13:1-2). Again phileo appears twice and again it is buried as part of compound words. “Brotherly love” is from Philadelphia and “entertain strangers” is from philo-xenia, “friendship for strangers.” Hospitality is commanded to the disciple on the basis of phileo love. Even in the world, those visiting a strange town will feel free to look up family and friends who are living there. They will be confident such will be glad to see them. Within the community of the saints, brethren and sisters should thus feel welcome in the homes, in the ecclesial homes and in the company of other Christadelphians because of the practice of phileo.
“Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren (Philadelphia), see that ye love (agapao) one another with a pure heart fervently…” (I Peter 1:22). Love of the brethren is to be so interwoven into our characters that it is not a pretense; it is “unfeigned.” Furthermore, it is one of the great objects of purifying our souls in obeying the Truth: “…unto unfeigned love…” And note something else, the parallel phrase to Philadelphia contains agapao. Phileo love is thus part of the greatest of divine virtues.
“And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue…and to godliness brotherly kindness (philadelphia) …but he that lacketh these things is blind…” (II Peter 1:5-9). Along with faith, knowledge, piety and love we are to demonstrate friendly love. Being friendly is not an option; it is an important attribute we are to develop.
Excuses
For many of us, being friendly does not come naturally. That is not unusual, none of the fruits of the spirit come easily. In fact, even children need to be trained to be friendly or they will ignore others unless they want something from them. Some parents are quite satisfied if their children are devoted to themselves while shunning everyone else. Encouraging such an attitude will make it more difficult for the child to develop phileo love as an adult.
“I’m not a people person” is the way some of us feel. While it is true personalities differ and there are those who are more outgoing, the overall command applies to every disciple. Brotherly love may not be our strong point; we may not easily practice hospitality; we may find it easier to develop knowledge or to preach or to patiently endure suffering. But that does not justify being inhospitable or aloof or unfriendly. Let us develop our strong points while not neglecting weaker areas of our personalities.
“I’m afraid the other person will not acknowledge me.” This may be the real, but unstated, reason for unfriendliness in the community. When we are open and friendly toward others, we become vulnerable. What if they do not respond? We feel awkward and perhaps humiliated. There is a risk of hurt in every area of discipleship. The Lord is the supreme example in the hurt he endured for our sake; the occasional hurt we suffer is just part of our cross which comes before the glory.
A great advantage
As we know from our own reaction, we are more likely to look for help to those who have been friendly toward us than to those who barely acknowledge our existence. We feel they care about us and will go out of their way for our sakes. Friendliness can thus give opportunity for important ministration to the spiritual and temporal needs of brethren.
Being friendly is not an option; it is part of discipleship. When we are functioning as we should, we will not only be a knowledgeable community, but we will be a warm and friendly one as well.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One