Calming A Quarrel

How does one go about calming a quarrel? By being patient. As this verse implies, several actions are very useful:

1. Start out by refusing to get angry: far better to have no answer, no response, and no action whatsoever… if it cannot be carried off without returning anger for anger. The perfect — and perfectly logical — response, if offered in an angry manner, is worse than no response at all.
2. If necessary (and it often can be), wait until you have rid yourself of all vestige of emotion before attempting to solve the problem. (The old adage, “Count to one hundred”, was invented for this!) If this cannot be managed at the time the “quarrel” begins, it is better to say nothing at all, or to walk away, than to retaliate in any way.
3. Never, ever bring in extraneous matters: this only adds fuel to the fire. If your “antagonist” speaks with a funny accent, or reads the NIV instead of the KJV, or simply forgot your birthday after you remembered his… then just forget it: it doesn’t help to mention that now! And…
4. If it will help — or even if you don’t think it will — concede all but the really important issues. Like Paul in the storm-tossed sea, throw overboard all the excess baggage. Be prepared to say you are “wrong” on a dozen unimportant matters (or to agree, at least, that those matters are of no consequence to the main issue). This makes it easier to achieve the important objective.

Why can’t all this be done?

Is it a matter of pride? If so, then surely humility is better than pride.

Is it a matter of one’s ‘reputation’? If so, then isn’t a reputation for patience and calmness and love far better than a reputation for always being right, and being eager to prove it?

Is it a matter of simply needing to win? Then remember Christ’s teaching about “peacemakers” (Matt. 5:9), and “turning the other cheek” (Matt. 5:39; Luke 6:29).

And while contemplating whether such action (or inaction!) can work, or whether you can do it, then spend a bit of time remembering Christ’s example — especially at the most crucial point of his life, his trial. There he was beset by hateful men, with grossly unfair charges, determined to see him dead. What did he do?

“Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth’ [Isa. 53:9]. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Pet. 2:21-23).