The aspect of marriage that makes it so special is that it is exclusive. The husband and wife enjoy certain privileges with respect to one another that no one else on earth is entitled to. This is expressed by Paul: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor. 7:2-4).
The Spirit expresses the same concept in romantic terms in the Song of Solomon: “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine; I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. My beloved is mine, and I am his” (6:3; 7:10; 2:16).
These testimonies capture the sense of intimate reciprocation that imparts such an intense feeling to marriage. The feelings of possessiveness which exclusiveness produces are closely associated in the scriptures with jealousy. It was figuratively described by the apostle Paul: “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ” (2 Cor. 11:2).
Two wives meant trouble
In those cases in the Old Testament where a husband had more than one wife at the same time, we find that it led to trouble among the wives who had to compete, as it were, for their husband’s favor. The cases of Sarah and Hagar, of Rachel and Leah, and of Hannah and Peninnah come to mind. This shows that in those cases where there was a departure from the principle of exclusiveness, it introduced difficulties into the relationships. This is possibly one of the reasons why now a man is permitted to have only one wife (1 Tim. 3:2).
Sources of discontent in marriage
Marriage is marred when the exclusiveness of the relationship is broken by the infidelity of one of the partners. In most cases it is a sign that the original love that flourished between husband and wife has grown cold. The factors that lead to this dissipation of the marriage bond have one thing in common. Is it not that at least one of the partners has become dissatisfied with the marriage? How do these seeds of discontent get sown in a marriage?
Interference of the in-laws
One source of marriage trouble comes from the extended families of the bride and groom: the in-laws. If we turn to the case of Rebekah, we see in her example something most admirable. After Abraham’s servant disclosed his errand to her brother and mother, and obtained their consent, he prepared to leave with Rebekah the following morning after the feast they had provided. “And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.” Even before the marriage had taken place, the in-laws were interfering with the plan. To resolve the difference of opinion between what Abraham’s servant wanted and the wishes of Laban and Rebekah’s mother, the latter two proposed, “We will call the damsel and inquire at her mouth.” To Rebekah’s credit, there was no equivocation. When asked, “Wilt thou go with this man?” she replied, “I will go.” Rebekah recognized that marriage requires leaving father and mother. In her case, upon short notice, she left her home and all that was part of her childhood, not knowing if she would ever see her kin again.
All of us who are in a position to influence another person’s marriage are under a strong obligation not to sow discord between husband and wife. Discontent in the human spirit is an odd thing. Sometimes it is completely absent until pointed out by others. Many a time an employee has been entirely satisfied with his wages until he inadvertently finds out that one of his co-workers is making more, and then he is bitter and resentful. As long as he was ignorant of what the other made, he was perfectly content with his own wages. One of the surest ways to damage a marriage is to make unfavorable comparisons with others: “But they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12).
The influence of the world
A second source of discontent in marriage comes from our culture, which characterizes monogamy as boring. The siren voices that promote the idea that there is excitement and fulfillment offered extramaritally convey their message through many different channels including soap-operas, talk-shows, magazines, popular music, movies and videos that emphasize physical attraction as the sole basis of love or that glorify Hollywood’s affairs.
One of the most insidious sources of all is the example of people from among our own acquaintances who may appear to have achieved more happiness by leaving their marriage and finding another partner without any adversity or calling to account.
In the deliberate wisdom of God, the scriptures set forward advice from a man who had been there and experienced the satisfaction of having almost any woman on whom he set his desire. His inspired record speaks forcefully about the true consequences of extra-marital indulgence. “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbor’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent…But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul (Prov. 6:27-29,32).
The New Testament scriptures leave no doubt about what Solomon meant when he said, “He that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” “Be not deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, not adulterers…shall inherit the kingdom of God. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: adultery, fornication, uncleanness…of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10; Gal. 5:19,21). In both of these warnings, sexual immorality outside of marriage is listed first among the sins that will exclude a man or woman from the kingdom of God.
Handling temptation
How can we deal with this type of temptation? The first step is to follow the counsel of Solomon: “Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that caused’ to err from the words of knowledge’ (Prov. 19:27). In other words, do no read the rubbish, do not watch the trash do not listen to the tales by which dis-content is planted in our minds.
The second step is to keep our distance from those who are sinning an appear to be better off for it, lest we are influenced by their example: “Be no thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them” (Prov. 24:1).
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One