Dear Andy,
Now that you have begun your own family, you can expect the occasional letter from me about the essentials of raising godly children. As you know, I don’ t profess to be the perfect Dad, but there are some things we have learned over the years and, you must admit, that you didn’t turn out too badly.
You will want your children to love and respect you. This is a natural feeling. But don’t get caught in the trap so many fathers fall into: do not put your popularity with your children ahead of their eternal welfare. In a true and lasting way, love them more than you love your own temporal feelings.
I don’t know why the problem seems so common today — it may be all the publicity about abused children or that parents feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids or it could be the effect of TV glamorizing smart-mouth youngsters or one effect of the permissive society — but time after time I see fathers letting their children openly defy and sass them. This can have disastrous eternal consequences. The first command with promise is that children should honor their parents (Eph. 6:1-2). That command is not given such priority to satisfy parental ego or to maintain stability in the community. That command is given that the child might learn the qualities of respect and obedience, so that as an adult, he is prepared to honor God.
Do not run a popularity contest with your children! Try to save them forever! Imitate God: “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth” (Heb. 12:6). He does not chasten us out of spite, but because He loves us and wants us to share in His holiness. An intelligent believer understands that and does not resent trials in his life. They are not enjoyable at the time, but afterward we see the good they do and appreciate God’s concern for our eternal well-being.
Your children will do the same. If you are sincerely concerned for their eternal welfare and discipline them because they have transgressed divine principles, they will not like the chastening, but in the long run they will appreciate your attitude.
Do not hesitate to explain to them the divine principles involved. They won’ t pick them up by osmosis. It is so important to sit them down and explain clearly and kindly your concern for their eternal welfare and the attributes we must develop to please God.
The irony is that children raised in this manner will appreciate and respect the real love that their parents have for them. Those who are indulged and go unreprimanded at every turn seem to instinctively know that something is wrong. They grow up having a sullen, resentful attitude toward their parents, as if they knew all along that, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Prov. 13:24). They seem to know that if we really loved them we would not worry about our popularity with them but would try to see they develop characters pleasing to God.
So, remember, you’re not running a popularity contest, you’re trying to guide your children to a place in God’s kingdom.
With deep affection,
Dad
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One