Dear Margaret,
The other day you asked me how you could develop and grow in the Truth with a husband who is very active in the ecclesia and with four young children who never seem to run out of energy. You mentioned that Mike always seems to be working at his desk either studying or writing and you seem to be endlessly tied up with family care. How can you grow in such circumstances?
You suggested that Mike care for the children one evening a week while you do your Isolation League Sunday school correspondence. You have posed a good question. See if the following thoughts might be helpful.
Not long ago Dad and I flew to Jamaica to attend their Bible school. On the flight down, I sat next to a pleasant looking, well-groomed, middle-aged woman. She had an air of confidence about her and I was curious to learn a bit more. It turned out that she was a professor of pediatric nursing, and, as a Peace Corps volunteer, she was headed for Jamaica to teach nursing in that country. Noticing a wedding band on her ring finger, I asked casually if her husband was in the same work. She chuckled quietly and said, “Oh, no. He’s staying at home. Suddenly we discovered that our careers have gone in different directions.” Immediately I thought to myself, “That’s it in a nutshell, husbands and wives are veering in opposite directions and it’s causing havoc to the marriage.”
It’s the same with Beth who used to live across the street. She left her husband working in Texas while she took a job in Virginia to pursue her career in civil engineering. Such choices may be the style of the day but they put a nearly unbearable strain on holding a marriage together.
I mention these examples to illustrate how, in today’s world, we women can think of ourselves independently from our husbands with goals of our own that may put us on different paths from them. But from personal experience, I can promise you that, when it comes to spiritual matters, your greatest growth will come from helping and sustaining your husband in the Truth.
If Mike is willing to care for the children once a week while you pursue your own activity, well and good. But if he finds this cuts too much into his time, then redesign your priorities to assist and help him. After all, your desire is to develop spiritually and this can be done working along with him as well as on independent projects. In fact, if you realize your growth by working with him, you will be in harmony with the divine intent from the beginning. There is a section on page 23 in the book “Family Life in the Lord” which addresses this point:
“Woman was created to be an “help meet” for man. The phrase is not “helpmeet” but help, meet. The word “meet” conveys the point that woman was to be a suitable associate by the side of man; she was to ably assist him achieve the task that God assigned to them both. “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28) was a work in which the participation of woman was essential. But this was not the whole of the task that lay before them. The Elohistic desire to “make man in our image, after our likeness” was to become not only a statement of fact and of ultimate promise (cp. Lk. 20:36), but it was also to form the basis of a great challenge to man and woman. They were to reflect in themselves the moral likeness of Deity (Eph. 4:22-24): a task made much more difficult by subsequent events in the Garden. Surely it was God’s intent that the woman was to be a suitable help by the side of man in this greatest of all endeavors that lies before the race.
The second indication that man was to receive spiritual benefit from woman lies in the fact that man’s salvation would depend on the “seed of the woman” (3:15). The third detail is supplied when Adam names his wife Eve — “life, life-giving” (3:20). The man is therefore dependent on the woman for natural life (“even so is the man also by the woman” I Cor. 11:12) and for the means of eternal life. These points put the matter into clear focus. The woman is to be a source of life for her other half.”
You have a wonderful opportunity to teach the Truth to your children. While we both agree that Mike is the head of your household, in practical terms, the greater percentage of the children’s instruction must come from you simply because you have more time with them. And as you have discovered, you do a lot of growing in character and knowledge as you seek to set them a right example and provide Biblical answers for their questions. You grow by becoming actively involved in their growth. The same can apply in your relationship with Mike.
Help him grow in understanding of the word and service to the ecclesia. Become actively involved in his work rather than taking on responsibilities that compete with his need for your help.
If you can do both, that’ s fine. But it sounds like you may be taking on too many of your own projects to be an effective help meet to him.
He needs your help with typing, preparing charts and overheads, pulling photocopies and in doing side research projects for him. You may have to prod him a bit more to get you involved. Sometimes Dad needs my help but won’t ask for it because he thinks I’m too busy. And you can be a sounding board for Mike. Ask him to tell you about his biblical ideas and be prepared to offer meaningful comments. Your point of view can be useful in providing the woman’s perspective.
One thing I have noticed is that I get further if I mention the points of agreement first before mentioning where I may differ. Communication is easier and I am more welcome as a conversation companion.
It actually amazes me that you are worried about your spiritual growth.
You are such a dedicated young couple and contribute so much to the ecclesia I would have thought you realized that you are maturing in Christ very well. Imagine the devoted sister whose believing husband is merely half-hearted in the Truth. More difficult yet is the faithful sister married to a hostile unbeliever. But those are other stories. We have much to be thankful for. Keep up the good work and may God’s blessing continue on you all.
Lovingly,
Mom
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One