Dear Dad,
Thanks very much for your letter of advice. Along with the one from my sister, it came at the right time and really helped me make a definite decision; one that I’m sure was right.
I’m not saying it was an easy decision, Dad. I did a lot of soul searching and it has left me pretty drained. I have broken off with the fellow I was seeing. I did as my sister suggested; I was honest with him about where I stand on religion. We talked out my views on scripture and he quite openly said that this was not for him. He realized, too, that this was an area of our lives upon which we should agree if we are to have a happy and useful relationship.
Frankly, ,your insight surprised me! Maybe you talked to Mom. And maybe enough people have talked to you over the years so that you could put the pieces together pretty well.
Actually the letters from you and my sister were so much on the mark that we are using them as a basis of a discussion class at youth circle and l’ ye sent copies to some young people I know might be helped. By what I have experienced, this must be one of the major problems for Christadelphian sisters. I’ve particularly noticed the situation since I’ve moved here where ecclesias are few and far between.
While your letter helped me in my situation this time, I just wonder how realistic you were being in some of the points you made.
You said that 5,000 miles’ distance was no problem to travel in seeking a partner in the Truth. Well, you may be right for one holiday per year for three weeks. But even if you do happen to meet someone interesting, my opinion is that one week at a camp or Bible school environment is not enough time to get to know a person properly. As you will remember, I was attracted to someone under just those circumstances. Once apart, I idealized him and it was a big disappointment for both of us when, a year later, we met again and found that we were not at all suited to each other.
Of course, one can write and telephone, but I still think it seems very unnatural and against human needs to have so little personal time together before making a major commitment. I know of some situations where the basis of a partnership was mostly letters—you and Mom lived quite a ways apart, so I guess it is possible. But I figure it would take a very spiritually minded, selfless person to be so committed without knowing the other properly.
Now please don’t misunderstand me, I completely agree with all your points and the principles you set out. No way can marriage out of the Truth be a good solution. But at the same time, finding a suitable partner in the ecclesia is not as easy as it may sound.
It certainly is a blessing if God does provide a relationship in the Truth. But I rather think that if one is in a relatively isolated situation, one ought to aim to develop a good friendship in the world which may lead to conversion. By making our stand clear, we can then perhaps interest our friends in God’s word. Now I know this is a big responsibility, especially since the sister (brother) has to keep her objectives clear, and at the right time, make a judgment about the genuineness of someone’s interest in the Truth. Is the person really interested in the Truth or are they just coming along for my sake?
I know, too, that there is the possibility the Christadelphian could get emotionally carried away or become too involved or too influenced by the world to back out. There are some living examples of the problem which I know about and I’m sure you know about more than I do. But somehow I just feel that, surely, if we really do seek first God’s kingdom, He will not let us get into situations or tempt us beyond what we can handle. (I know this may be a different kind of temptation, but don’t you think the point would still apply?)
So maybe when we talk to the brother or sister who is in a lonely situation or when we pray for a partner, the emphasis should not be on the negative side, but on the positive. Instead of saying “do not get involved with the world,” “do not go there,” “do not” —do this or that, we should be telling the person to try and make friends and talk about your faith, be happy about your beliefs and don’ t fear people because they are in the world.
I’ll bet you think I’m being pretty confusing, but am I really expressing the point of Christ when he said: “I pray not that thou shouldst take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil” (John 17:15). The negative attitude is how can we keep out of the world, but the positive one is “how can I set a good and godly example to my friends and set a definite high moral standard and develop a friendship while always putting God first?”
Please don’t think I’m criticizing; I’m not! l am just writing down what comes to mind as I have obviously been think about this issue a lot lately. I wonder if you disagree; please let me know. I’m still learning.
Lovingly,
Susan
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One