The lasting influence of early childhood experience is a principle well attested to by both human and Divine wisdom. For centuries the Catholic church has had a philosophy of “give me a child until he is seven and I will have him when he is an adult.” Those who have adopted children know a big difference between getting a two-month old and a four-year old. The four-year old has already developed a set of attitudes and a response pattern that is difficult to change. Scripture acknowledges the truth of the principle in the words “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
We can take advantage of this principle by directing our own children into right attitudes at an early age as we prepare the ground work for coping with the problems of later years.
Separation a Divine Principle
One specific area where we have clear Scriptural guidance is the command and need for separation from evil influences and wrong alliances. This principle is given from the beginning, “God divided the light from the darkness.” The earth is not in a continual state of twilight, but there is light and there is darkness and the two are separated from each other.
Faithful men have always distinguished themselves by obedience to God and separation from wicked contemporaries. The patriarchs had to dwell in tents living a nomadic existence amongst people who lived in walled towns and small villages. As soon as Jacob violated the principle, buying land and settling close to Shechem, disaster ensued.
The Law of Moses repeatedly taught the precept of separation between the clean and the unclean. God makes a distinction about things. Everything is not the same. There is that which is holy and that which is common. Some things are acceptable and some are not. God is holy, and this attribute is to be reflected in His children by their recognizing that everything is not in the same category. First century converts separated from their synagogues or pagan associations to form ecclesias. We are not “of’ the world so there is to be a distinction made in our “fellowship”.
Early Instruction Helps
We can start teaching the principle of holiness in small ways to young children. Some toys are acceptable, others are not. Encourage the children to play with “happy” toys rather than with guns and war games. If television is in the house, make a distinction between what is allowable viewing and what is not.
Sometimes it is hard to do this for our little ones. We know that later on they will be denied many of the “pleasures” of the world. We would like to let them have a little fun when they are young and worldly things seem quite innocuous. The problem is their early experiences are building attitudes that will either help or hurt them live the Truth later on. With a little early training on our part, we can make their later understanding of Divine principles a lot easier.
Trash Viewing
There is so much trash on TV, viewing must be monitored carefully and uncompromisingly. Most evening prime-time shows are filled with profanities, violence and sex, and as such are not fit for family entertainment.
Movies that are PG and R should be rejected as unsuitable for the entire family. Needless to say, parents must be willing to live by the same standards and monitor their entertainment, not only for their own spiritual welfare, but for the sake of their children. How can we teach the children that adultery, fornication, blasphemy, murder and lust are sins to be avoided and yet regularly watch this wickedness with delight on TV and at the movies? We need to make the right choices in our own selection of entertainment and require that the children do the same.
Friends Affect Conduct
Watch the friends your children select. Encourage them to cultivate friendships with friendly, clean-mouthed youngsters. Ask your children about their friends: “Is he a nice boy?” “Does he use bad words or tell dirty jokes?”
The children will thereby learn that we are making a difference between clean-cut, pleasant friends and foulmouthed smart-alecks. If we are kindly and consistent in requiring this selectivity for our children, they will be inclined to accept it and make it a part of their own thinking.
School Activities
Most school activities are fairly innocent during the early years but they become increasingly less so as the years advance. What to let the youngsters do or not to do is truly a big question. But what are our priorities? How close to the precipice are we aiming to get? Do we want to get away with as much as possible or do we desire to set a pattern for our children to develop into godly men and women wholeheartedly seeking the Kingdom of God? A great fallacy is to let children “do their own thing” during the developmental years and then expect that they will come into the Truth after they have “sown their wild oats.” Nothing is further from the truth and this attitude has led to the loss of many of our young people. “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
Needed – Time and Money
As the child reaches 8 or 9, the question often comes down to the issues of our time and money. How much time and money are we prepared to invest in our children’s spiritual welfare and eternal life?
If our children become seriously ill, we will spare nothing to get them well. Our time, money, energy, prayers and anxiety will mean nothing to us as we try to assist their recovery from some disease or accident. Yet there is an irony in this! We will spare nothing to keep our children alive for this mortal life, but are we willing to expend the same effort to preserve our children for a life that will never end?
Right training takes our time. If we tell our children that they cannot participate in certain worldly activities, then we must see that they associate with the Christadelphian community in its functions and activities. This means work on our part. Just when we want most to relax and put our feet up from a hectic week of work, we must take to the car and drive our children to CYCs, gatherings, youth camps, Bible schools, youth singing classes, kid’s Bible classes and whatever other activity is organized for the spiritual instruction of our children. And if there is nothing organized, then it means taking the additional time of initiating and conducting useful alternatives to the world.
An Ecclesial Life-style
By keeping our children involved and active in ecclesial associations, we are helping them develop a pattern of participation in ecclesial life. Eventually we hope they will make some lasting friendships, one of which may mature into a marriage partner. How can our children select a partner from the Brotherhood, if they are rarely in that environment? Having godly children who marry “in the Lord” is not a matter we should leave to happenstance. The patriarchs did not and we should not. Our part in the process is supplying years of guidance, instruction and parental effort gently and lovingly administered to God’s children who have been graciously entrusted to our care.
What about those who live in isolation away from large ecclesial centers or even away from any ecclesia at all? Indeed, special needs can be met with creative and innovative alternatives. A family living in isolation faces no easy task, but it is not impossible to remain faithful and vibrant in the Truth in such circumstances. In fact, a family in isolation will be forced to do something which is woefully lacking in the world and is remarkably deficient amongst many of us, that is spending time with one’s children.
When we speak of providing our children with helpful associates, we sometimes forget about ourselves. But our company can, and in some cases, will have to substitute for that of worldly friends.
Parents can be Friends
Everyone knows that little children love to be with their parents and we must capitalize on that fact. As the children grow older, they can become less pleasant to be with and it is then that many parents welcome the opportunity to be rid of their children’s complaining and cantankerous ways. They shuffle them off to a variety of activities to “get them out of their hair.” This can be a big mistake.
How can we influence our growing children for good if we’re never with them? If we find their “hyper” ways distracting, we must work on our attitude. We can determine that we will put up with their juvenile traits in order to spend many useful hours learning to know our child, building a foundation of mutual respect and love while all the while weaving into the relationship a solid background of Divine teaching.
The family in isolation must rely on this togetherness. We all need to make our family a mini ecclesia. We must view our children as our potential converts working as hard to save them as we sometimes do to instruct the outsider.
What about making eat-out treats, vacations and attendance at Bible schools a family affair? While it is generally viewed that teenagers don’t want to be with their parents, the truth is they can greatly enjoy their parent’s company if we are wise enough to make it a happy and enjoyable association. Diligent parents living in isolation will be forced into stronger family participation and we who are blessed to live near ecclesial centers should also recognize the great importance of spending lots of time in our children’s company.
Those Teen Years
When children reach 12 or 13, new forces come into play. A policy we have found that works is to permit the children to participate in academic or sports activities but not in affairs that are just social in nature. For example, the 7th grade basketball team ended up with a pizza supper at school at which time they received their certificates and team pictures. The library assistants finished the year with a luncheon attended by the librarian. The Spanish club cooked up an ethnic dinner for all its members.
We viewed these activities as acceptable, allowing the children some association with their friends without getting too involved.
Affairs which are strictly social, such as dances or the high school senior trip, we ruled out. Some would argue that ruling out high school dances is too much to ask of our youngsters.
Some specific forms of dance may be tolerable, but in the context of our society, dancing is usually associated with drinking, close physical contact, erotic motions and a good deal of loud and raucous music. We determined that here was the point at which to establish a dividing line.
It may be objected that ours is an arbitrary value judgment, and indeed it is. But the separation principle must be firmly ingrained in our young people. We felt activities mainly designed around an occasional meal with schoolmates was permissible whereas the school dance, with its worldly implications was unacceptable. All our adult lives we must make decisions as to where we are going to draw the line with the world. How much easier that decision can be if, from the beginning, we have been encouraged to make wise and prudent selections in this critical area.
The Subtle Approach
Every family is different. Some have children with the potential for athletic or musical development that we know could draw them into the world. Some of our daughters are indeed beautiful and they can be made into glamour girls if they learn to dress, do their hair and make themselves up. But in almost every case, the parents must help cultivate such potential if it is to be realized. The godly parent will see the situation early and will deliberately not provide the encouragement or instruction that the worldly parent will supply.
The father will simply stop trying to improve his son’s game; he will not encourage him to practice, and will not give him the little tips that help him improve because he knows the potential for excellence is there and that excellence in sport means temptation from the world. The mother will resist the urge to groom her daughter into the beauty she could become because she knows that outstanding physical beauty does not contribute to the beauty of character which is so valuable in the sight of God.
Dating
This is a sensitive issue because a number of people have been introduced to the Truth by dating a Christadelphian. The offsetting problem is that a number of Christadelphians have been introduced to the world by dating an unbeliever.
Again we must call upon our young people to rise to the right position in the matter. In our house, we have made it clear to the boys; we do not want them dating in the world. They are encouraged to bring friends home and to ecclesial functions. But any “dates” are to be with Christadelphian young people only.
If there is a “Christian” girl at school, then let her believe the promises of God and embrace His revelation of Himself motivated by love for Him, not by attraction to a young man. God does not need our young people to risk their own eternal welfare for the sake of introducing another to the Truth. And they are risking their eternal life if they fall in love with someone who does not love God. They face the great trial of breaking up with the individual or the even greater trial of trying to live the Truth in a divided home.
Right decisions in this regard are much easier for a teenager to accept if we have done our job when they were younger. And we need to continue to provide alternatives to the worldly activities our youngsters are missing. The cost may go up in this regard. But the cost of feeding and clothing a growing teen escalates. We need to be as willing to pay for their spiritual welfare as we are for their natural.
Sometimes this may mean a train or plane fare. Sometimes it may mean getting them a car so they can get to ecclesial functions. Faith, too, becomes an issue as we wait for them to come home from a youth weekend in a heavy storm. Our counterparts in the world are also spending many restless hours as they wait for a familiar sound to arrive late at night.
Starting Early is the Key
From their earliest childhood, we must instill in our children the principle of separation from the world. We can begin with little tots by encouraging them to play with nice and friendly children in the neighborhood. We need to teach them discrimination as to the entertainment they enjoy. We must encourage our school children to choose nice friends rather than ones who will drag them down and lead them into trouble. All along, we must spend time with them teaching from the Word why separation from the world is so necessary. Finally, we must help them implement this principle in their lives by assisting them in every way possible to associate with the Christadelphian community and the many activities involved therein.
The Origin of the Organic World – Part One